Thread: This Ancient Rhythm (content)

Sweet sickly incense -
I curve into your flesh.

The carefully selected music
could be the gnashing of a million jaws
for all the attention I pay it.

Above me you pant
and pay me with your sweat.
I writhe and find
the final connection.

No offense, but I wouldn't really call this poetry. There is no real substance to it. You need to give the reader something they can really sink their teeth into, perhaps using an unlikely comparison. It is up to you of course.

I think it's poetry. I think it's beautiful. You've taken your perspective on something that happens every day, something lots of people take for granted and you've given it this excellent, juicy quality. The wording is awesome and though it is short, it's good that way. i don't think poetry has to be long or even detailed to be beautiful. You've clearly said all you need to. Excellent work. Thanks for posting this.