Thread: dining al fresco

I grew up in an urban setting, and worked downtown most of my career. Now I'm retired, looking back at all the despair i observed daily on the streets. I following is one of several with that theme.

Dining Al Fresco

On a windswept corner
a ragged woman stands
her hollow eyes
see our guilty secrets
as we walk swiftly by.

She shares with a friend
a bottle of paper bag wine
not a good year
but it warms the cold places.

Her shopping cart
gets curb service
from the dumpster deli
smell the bouquet

doghouse reilly

Very well done. I love that you kept your phrases and word choices stark--no frills.With your first stanza--you had me hooked--Great way to open a poem and have your readers connect to and empathize with your character . This can have only came from a personal observation. I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Peace...Jul

Thanks for your reply. Our office was across the street from a soup kitchen, and this was one of the reasons our company started locking the restrooms. I used the homeless in one of my novels, as a victim of my antagonist. The city (Dallas) evicted a "tent city" that grew up under one of our underpasses after businesses complained. Yes, many of my poems were from personal observation.

doghouse reilly

Reminds me of and old Christmas song about a wino singing about pretty papers and ribbons. I could always picture that too.
Mark.

"On a windswept corner
a ragged woman stands" - You definitely have my attention.

"her hollow eyes
see our guilty secrets" - This is okay, it could be better in my opinion. Sounds a bit forced.

"as we walk swiftly by." This line stands out to me. For such a simple reason. I love that you use the word "swiftly" after "walk" instead of before it. So simple yet it gives such a magnificent tone.

"She shares with a friend
a bottle of paper bag wine
not a good year
but it warms the cold places." - This stanza is extraordinary.

"Her shopping cart
gets curb service
from the dumpster deli" - I enjoy this, but I do wish you would expand on it.

"smell the bouquet" - This line seems out of place. Might think about getting rid of it.

When I say this is a very simple poem I do not mean it as an insult. I love the sound, the words, the imagery, the whole of it. Truly great poem, especially the length. This left me wanting so much more. Which makes it near perfect. I enjoyed reading this.