Thread: Barbie

your geography always haunted me:
the symmetrical mountains
that fall so steeply into a valley
and a land-bridge waist
and then out again
and stretched into impossibly long legs.
i created a map of you in my mind,
a model of what should be.
i looked for valleys where there were none
and uneven blobs in all the places they shouldn’t be.
i’ve always felt more like an elongated cabbage-patch girl.
i found a magnifying glass
i held it to your face and
you caught fire and
i watched you melt until
the fumes made me dizzy.
i think maybe i’ll melt my own next.

(This sounded a lot better in my head. Don't you hate it when that happens? I'm working on it, though haha)

I think you have a very good start here, the idea is great for a poem. Right now I'm pressed for time, but I'll be back to give it another look. Really, what young girl hasn't compared herself to Barbie and been found lacking?

Hannah, here are a few suggestion that I think may improve the flow of this piece. They're only my opinion, so take them as you will.


your geography always haunted me:
the symmetrical mountains
that fall so steeply into a valley
and a land-bridge waist
and then out again
and stretched into impossibly long legs.

i created a map of you in my mind,
a model of what should be.
i looked for valleys where there were none
and uneven blobs in all the places they shouldn’t be.------ I think these should two lines be reworded.
i’ve always felt more like an elongated cabbage-patch girl.

i found a magnifying glass
i held it to your face and
you caught fire and
i watched you melt until
the fumes made me dizzy.
i think maybe i’ll melt my own next.

i thought it was good