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  1. #1
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    Forbidden

    This is the first in a string of poems I'll likely be posting, that I wrote for a poetry writing workshop I was in this semester. I'm just looking for other opinions.

    Forbidden

    There was no snake there. I remember

    Just my scent upon the air,
    Luscious golden skin of mine
    And hands that stretched upwards to pluck.

    These two so apish hadn’t been here long,
    Though long enough to know what’s wrong,
    With knowing I’m here, so gold, so sweet,
    An apple of the tree holding their very nature.

    Imprisoned by their father,
    The cruelest fingers that have ever brushed
    My skin, the same that granted me
    Life, through wisdom, that apes seek.

    My pity to the girl, for what they sought
    Taken from them and placed so high?
    And then to get it wrong when they
    Told the story to their father.

    Why? He raged, before tossing them
    Out of his prison, the biggest favor he
    Ever gave them. Why? Did you taste that apple?
    Golden upon the branch,
    Full of the primordial juice. Knowledge you
    Shall have! That which I took from you! Take it
    Back! Cannibals of knowledge.

    Using their newfound gift, the apes told him,
    “Twas a snake that told Me to do it!” Temptation,
    Not her own. And she was sweet, when she
    Stole my skin, ingested it,
    And removed me sometime later,
    Just to pleasantly stare, at the knowledge I
    Gave.

  2. #2
    Prolific Writer bearycool's Avatar
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    The allusions, symbolism, and the repetition of skin is compelling. This is a good poem, I think the only thing that needs to be done here is the structure of the poem, but that's extremely minor in my opinion. All in all, good job on this one.

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