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About LinkBacksthe snow lay untouched
pale as the skin on your forearms
and so virginal it was a sin to be the first to break the surface.
with one footstep the spell is broken.
no one hesitates to ruin
what has already been ruined.
the snow lay untouched
pale as the skin on your forearms
and so virginal it was a sin to be the first to break the surface.
with one footstep the spell is broken.
no one hesitates to ruin
what has already been ruined.
I love how this can be interpreted in a lot of ways. So short, but reveals so much.
The third line
breaks the flow for me because of it's length.and so virginal it was a sin to be the first to break the surface.
Consider
Nice poem.the snow lay untouched
pale as the skin on your forearms
and so virginal it was a sin
to be the first to break the surface.
With one footstep the spell is broken. -- Capitalisation after full-stop. May I also suggest putting a semi-colon here instead of the period? Makes the read more fluent, but that's just me -- feel free to ignore my suggestion.
no one hesitates to ruin
what has already been ruined.
Last edited by candid petunia; 11-29-2011 at 07:00 AM.
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen
"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke
I loved this. Short and sweet, but full of images and truth.
Generally I expect poems about fresh snow (and people playing in it) to be carefree and happy, but this one reads rather hauntingly to me. Especially with the use of the word virginal, it naturally makes me think of a young woman -- and breaking this clean surface would thus be her first time having sex. Which makes the last two lines rather -- dismal and horrifying.
Well done! Your poem has left me in a strange place.
"Never get so attached to a poem you forget truth that lacks lyricism." - Joanna Newsom
"So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late." - Bob Dylan
Stunning! Intriguing !! This at first read is gorgeous---then after reading again--complex and filled with a tension that is haunting and melancholy...Peace...Jul
Thank you everyone! I agree about breaking up that line, it did seem too long.
I did write it so there could be multiple interpretations. I was actually thinking about cutting when I had the idea for it. I struggled with self harm for a while and I was kind of toying with the idea of how pure the skin on someone's forearms look until they decide to ruin it. I definitely was also thinking of a young girl losing her virginity. I kind of found a parallel between the two that I can't exactly explain. Except with that poem, I guess. hahaha.
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