Thread: God's Own Pen

Possibly the start of something greater.

We are all fictions written in God's Own Pen.
The margins of our page are life and death
Beyond those lines a boundless sea
Where thought perishes and light ceases
But in that void lies creation.

I like this little piece.

The first two lines are intriguing, but the third line I feel my interest begin to fade. It may be the word choice. "Beyond those lines a boundless sea" is not what I read the first time. Initially the words that came to mind were-- Beyond it lies a boundless sea.

Line four says that both thought and light do not exist, but yet line five suggest that maybe one of the two are still existent in the void because of the creation.

This poem has left the reader of wondering more about what it is trying to say, than about what it is truly saying.

The piece has a lot of potential. I say finish it if you feel the desire to.

Also, the title is very neat.

good start amazing to imagine what lies beneath us, interesting topic in todays day

A very intriguing read, would definitely like to read more of this.

This seems a rather holistic piece, yet it is too abstract for me to take anything from it.

I didn't get the first line!

those lines - this is a particular reference without the necessary precedence. Maybe change those to the?

You're working with an extended metaphor here, us being pages written by god, margins being life and death, beyond the pages something void... I think you should expand on the various elements of your metaphor, to better nail down what it is you feel/think we are in relation to what god is...

Seems like a good start, but just that. I'm interested to see where you take it from here. Remember, though, that longer is not always better when it comes to poetry...and the more concrete you become in your own story, the less it becomes "ours." I say that only to say that, even if you flesh it out into something lengthier, you may still need to prune it until it takes the shape that best suits it. Best of luck in your continuing work.

Enjoyed this and has left me wanting to read more so has pulled me in! Please post more