Thread: Fox Teeth

Fox Teeth


Our fingernails
are blue from the
cold and you touch
my neck with the
blade of the shovel.

The wet gravel licks
my chest and thighs
and I can't turn
my head far enough
to see the canopy.

You steady your
arms and breathe
and I breathe and
take in this moment
before it is lost

like fox teeth
in the grass.

Hinducow28, the last 5 words are great, which sounds as if I hate the rest, but I don't, I think it could be quite something with a lot less telling and more showing - The last 2 lines are a case in point, the word like steals the imagery from the last stanze and makes it merely a description; remove like and it becomes more of an image that the reader can visualise and interpret:

before it is lost

fox teeth
in the grass.


Our fingernails
are blue from the
cold and you touch - Touch is such an ordinary word, how about caress?
my neck with the
blade of the shovel.

The wet gravel licks
at my chest and thighs
and I can't turn
my head far enough
to see the canopy.

You steady your
arms and breathe - Well yes, why wouldn't you, there's nothing out of the ordinary here, find something better, is there something we need to know?
and I breathe and
take in this moment
before it is lost

like fox teeth
in the grass.

This is complex, rich in detail--gorgeous in visual imagery, mysterious and compelling in nature. Not sure what it means--but I loved this! Peace...Jul