Thread: No Nike.

Lost. Confused
Depressed. As this failing
grade sits on my desk.
Nothing new.
Rarely, a few times has my
mind produced results that
were without faults.
Halt

As I watch my work crumble
into failure, just like a fumble
when you;re so close to the in-zone.
And now my dome has stumbled
upon a future i fear. I can
even hear it.
Cringe, as my ear is strained
by the sound of despair and anguish.
What if my effort's outcome
is just dirt.
This world of hurt, is
there anyway i can stay out
of it?
Success.
is such a stress to strive for
especially when you are always in a mess
that leaves you hopeless.

Deep down, this has been
hurting my whole chest, not just
my heart.
Victory?
will it occur at the end
of this story, like
in the movies? Damn life.
Will my labor continually fail
to pay off?
every other day its another
short coming, after a long way..a long time
this feels like being laid off, like
mom did.

This read rather awkwardly for me and i didn't like some of the rhyming e.g.:

"Success.
is such a stress to strive for
especially when you are always in a mess
that leaves you hopeless."

I do quite like the last stanza, some powerful lines:

"Victory?
will it occur at the end
of this story, like
in the movies? Damn life.
Will my labor continually fail
to pay off?"

It's bitter and twisted and works well - i think this bit achieves what your aiming for.

Overall not sure about the poem though.

Self-pity doesn't read well in poetry, particularly when it is as overt as in this one. May I suggest that you start at Victory and write a poem about where you go from here.