Thread: A Man of Storms

On the hill,
A man of storms,
A path of thorns
And many doors
To show his fate,
For him to know.
A man of storms,
Where will he go?

Cadence, a good start. The first 5 lines intrigue me. The end seems to lose momentum.
My question to you is: where are you positioned in relationship to this man on the hill?
Dive into THAT, otherwise, there' only "distance"...

Originally Posted by Inscapes

Cadence, a good start. The first 5 lines intrigue me. The end seems to lose momentum.
My question to you is: where are you positioned in relationship to this man on the hill?
Dive into THAT, otherwise, there' only "distance"...

I found it hard adding to it, since it supposed to be a short poem. I'm currently practising the art of not over-writing. Although, now I worry that I'll get into the habit of under-writing. This is really 2 minutes work; I had a random flash of inspration. I'll look into it, see if I can increase the image's depth without compromising length.

I agree - it starts really well and seems to tail off and lose momentum at the end.

Could be a good short poem though

Originally Posted by Thandar

I agree - it starts really well and seems to tail off and lose momentum at the end.

Could be a good short poem though

I'm thinking of extending it into a longer poem. I'll think about the end of the first stanza; it does lose emphasis

Cadence, I'd suggest you follow though with your thoughts and extend. I think you have a lot more to say about this man on the hill. I feel there is a lot more I want to know about the man on the hill. Follow your heart and extend the poem.

Suggestion 1:"Where will he go?" Such an appropriate question and beautifully addressed. Try to not ask the reader, or even tell them. Show the reader where the man of storms goes.

Suggestion 2: When practicing the art of not over-writing, try to write about something with a little less significance. If you're concerned about under or over writing, focus on the topics chosen when attempting to write with either discipline. This may help you, as it helped me.

Cadence, you're off to a wonderful start with this piece and I'm curious to see where you allow it to go.