Thread: Bottle on table

Bottle on table
why are you
Looking at me
With big weary eyes

Bottle on table
why wont you
silence my
heart when it cries

Take my pain
Strip it off
Like an old, hairy bandaid
Healing my wounds

Bottle on table, empty again
I will replace you
I will refrain
From seeing truth in the eye
And waking up to a brand new day

---------

I know it's far from perfect, just a little piece I made after my last heartbreak to help describe the feelings I had. I'm far from a poet, I know, but I would like feedback on what I'm doing right and which habits to keep when I attempt to change my poetry for the better. And practice make perfect, yea?

"Bottle on table
why are you
Looking at me
With big weary eyes

Bottle on table
why wont you
silence my
heart when it cries

Take my pain
Strip it off"

Until there i like it and then it seems to break down. It loses it's impact over the next couple of lines but then regains form with

"Bottle on table, empty again
I will replace you
I will refrain"

But again tails off with the last couple of lines.

Think it could be a really nice poem with a couple of changes!

funny write, its amazing all the things we could do with our day if we think about it
take us to cloud 9 huh lol