Thread: Tongue Point Naval-Air Base

A river feeds the ocean
nearby, unable to quench
the salty appetite.

An abandoned naval/air base
sits static on the river peninsula
waiting for the rust to erode
its bones to nothing.

Parasites nest in the ribs
of the hangar bay, babies
chirping for their mothers
every morning.

Ghosts stir in the basement
of the living quarters. Dismay
and sorrowful, wandering
about, lost in their world.

Drunken ghosts rage along
the docks and in the old
sunken ships laying
at the bays murky bed.

Sirens wail faintly as if
distant. Ghosts rally in
the courtyard, at attention
and others scramble about.

Loved, lost, forgotten. They
yet live on in their own way.

A fun quick piece. There are some punctuation issues, but otherwise nothing to nitpick. Just check your commas.

I enjoyed this one too. You are very good at pulling off a vivid ambiance with these descriptive pieces of yours.

There were a little too many ghosts for me in the end. The final stanzas seemed kinda tacked on rather than adding to the general feel.

Drunken ghosts rage along
the docks and in the old
sunken ships laying
at the bays murky bed.

Sirens wail faintly as if
distant. Ghosts rally in
the courtyard, at attention
and others scramble about.

I'd cut away these two stanzas entirely if I were you. The ending two lines however, are very neat indeed.

Thanks for your input. If you didn't know, Tongue Point is an actual place, though now it is an American Government Job Corps Center, called Tongue Point. It was built around an old naval/air base from World War I. In the basement of the residence halls are two holding cells, with a mesh style criss-cross metal instead of bars for the cell doors and front wall. The rooms next to the cells used to be a solitary confinement area, complete with a large empty room and then a small shower/bathroom area. We now use it for the Boutique, a place where used clothes are donated and the students on center can come rummage through them and take what they like. We use the holding cells and bathroom area for storage. The fitting room used to be a dark room, as well.

My classroom is in the old clerical offices of the hangar bay. We have a seamanship program here as well, which uses the old docks which have been re-fortified. Some of the docks still stand, but are roped off because they're dangerous to walk on. Astoria, Oregon is a nice area indeed.