what love is

**Nacian** · 10-26-2011, 08:43 PM

how can you stand in there
and speak
of love, as butterflies and flaunt,
cupid, heart, with a saintly valentine?

why have you torn out all the stalks
from every rose that thrives a glow?
are you simply just a lust
amongst your arrows and your kiss?

love is all as fairy tales
a book , a prince ,the girl and all,
and fortune that knows not of ends,
a story shredded in its myth.

love according to this life,
is scene to quirky drama probes ,
a swing, a sling,
that comes apart,
then drops out dangling from the clouds,
nostalgic ,staggered tunes and tease
unfounded, scattered words and rounds,
and then, the clash!!

just like a wind
it sweeps out all the goods
the sense of real,
the magic and the dreams,
and slowly from underneath our sworns
and with a sudden gust of sparks
a blurry weakened wand appears
and then quickly fizzles out
the hat,

the warmth that kept us in a while,
closer,truer, safer, well.
a hat that fervently endured,
with heated temper moods and change,
our differences, our truths, our lies
but now has opted out to please
a fresher, better note of breeze
the splash of new,of shine and air,
another view another tare

love is a loudish game, a play
that dresses up in red then next
rises to sip out all the shades,
the pastels of our fondest hopes
the laughters, baffters smiles and tears
that once where all the signs of dear,
are now a fountain inked of past,

you see,
the courting has declared it's ill
blinded head and over hill,
the promises have slid and fast
for lovers notes are just a draft,
intrigue was just a rhyme that clang,
and all that must remain is glance
pictures, memories, and dust.

**Ilasir Maroa** · 10-27-2011, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by Nacian

how can you stand in there
and speak
of love as butterflies and flaunt
cupid,heart with a saintley"saintly"? valentine?
have you torned"torn" out all the stalks?
and
have you dried out all the flocks?Flocks and stalks of what?
Or are you simply just a lust "just" and "simply" mean the same here, and having both doesn't add anything.
in your arrows and your kiss?
love is all as fairy talescolon
a book ,a princecomma the girl and all,
and fortune that knows not of ends,
love according to this life
is scene to quirky drama probes ,
a swing, a sling
that comes apart,
then drops dangling from the clouds,
to pour out in its hazy fall,Not sure that all these words are necessary.
nostalgiccomma staggered tunes and tease
unfoundedcomma scattered words and rounds,
and then, the clash!!
just like the wind
it sweeps out all the goodscomma
the sense of real,
the magic and the dreams,
and slowly from underneath our throws,
and with a sudden wave of gust,"wave of gusts"? That's a wierd image...
a blarry"blurry"? wand"wind"? appears
and quickly fizzles out
the hat,
the warmth that kept us in a while,
closer,truer, safer, well period
a hat that fervently enduredcomma
with heated tempercomma moods and change,
our differences, our truths, our liescomma or period
but now has opted out to please
a fresher, better note of breezecomma?
the splash of new,of shine and air,
love is a loudish game, a play
that dresses up in redcomma then next
rise to sip out all the shadeshuh?
the pastels of our fondest hopes
the laughters, smilescomma and glistening tears
that once where"were" all the signs of dear,
are now a fountain inked of past,
the courting has declared it's illhuh?
blinded head and over hill,
the promises have slid and fast
for lovers notes are just a draft,
intrigue was just a rhyme that clangneed a tense for this verb
and all that must remain is glancetense for the verb?
picturescomma memoriescomma and dust.

You need to work some on your punctuation. It's very hard to tell in written language where clauses and phrases are supposed to end, otherwise.

There are some good images here and there, but I felt it could have been organized better.