Thread: Exile-hymn

O! for the homeward sailing!
O! for the Farther Shore!
O! for the exile-ending!
O! for the coming home!

O! for the Tall Ship
with white-sails and white-timbers
on the grey seas coming
with glittering foam on her brow,
quietly and gently
slipping through the waters,
shining in the golden sun
with full wind in her sails
to take me home ~

O! the ever-watching
of the Farthest Edge
for a glimpse of that White Ship
coming at last to these weary shores ~

O! ye waves crashing and rolling,
in thy tumbled voice
bring me rumour of her Arrival,
her Most Blessëd Arrival ~

O! to set out from harbour
upon briny wave
with wind on my brow
with salt-spray and glittering-sparkle
and with gulls sending me off rejoicing,
calling with their sea-voices: “Farewell!”
Looking back as hither-shore fades:
Farewell! Farewell! Farewell!

O! to pass over the Western Seas
past the fair enchanted isles
through the Silver-Mists
and the Golden-Rain
to at last reach a sunlit shore
of green green lands...

O! for the homeward sailing!
O! for the Farther Shore!
O! for the exile-ending!
O! for the coming home!

This does indeed sound like a hymn! So very beautiful! This fits my mood perfectly this morning. Melancholy--certainly ! spiritual and complex with emotions of longing for distant shores of peace...Gorgeous visual imagery.Sails full , white timbers, tall ship,glittering, sparkling--sublime! Thanks so much for an uplifting spiritual poem. All my best--peace,Jul

this is wonderfull toddm...the visuals are all there and I just love the O all the way through...it reads like voice in the background rising as you go through the peom, stronger and stronger everytime..thank you I enjoyed.

I found myself being put off by the random capitalisation and the smattering of hyphens. The result was that I needed to read it three times, which robbed some of the initial impact.

As I read it I did feel that something of a rolling pace might suit the nautical theme (think charge of the light brigade, with an off-beat roll rather than a thundering hoof-beat) and with a bit of careful pruning to remove unnecessary words this could be tightened up to have something of a more rhythmic feel. A few of the descriptions (grey seas, glittering foam, golden sun, green green lands) could be less obvious, which might make them a little more evocative of an ethereal scene.

Read a poem by you after a long time, Todd, and I was not disappointed. The imagery was strong, and I really liked the anticipatory mood, almost celebratory -- the Shore is close -- and I felt so closely drawn to the poem. Just one nit, I felt it would sound stronger if you put just two "Farewell's" in the last line in S5.
Totally loved the repetition of the first stanza at the end.
Keep posting.

Edit: I see you're back to the use of the tildes. Is this an old poem?

Thanks Jul - you are a kindred spirit - melancholy can be beautiful

thanks to you Nacian, for your kind words

Thanks also to you Blue Ape - "random capitalization" may not be quite accurate, for that be like me throwing dice with every word and capitalizing when I roll a 6 - no, the caps were very intentionally placed - sorry they distracted you, but for me they add a certain bit of other-worldness
I like what you say about the rhythm, I will keep that in mind - this is a piece I have dusted off and tweaked

Farah, you are right, this is from my tilde-phase : )
I will consider the two Farewells, but honestly I think three fit better in my ear - but thanks for the suggestion, and for your kind comments - I'm glad you liked the imagery
---todd