Thread: Anshaesidt

Drunken revelry

Annotate, Compensate, Revelate
the best men you have met over time

so much wine from the vine put away
for this day. I must say, without fear,

you have left, become deaf, realised
the most wise day of all to partake

drink among all of us, celebrate
for tonight, with insight, we're dead.

We're dead--and that's all right.

hey that is a very neat written poem...it almots comes across as a song wiht lots of questions raised of what is actually going on and why death to all in the end?
because it moves from you to we're???
not so sure..I like the style of the poem...almost chic well done

It's actually written with a consisten rhyme meter up until the end. (DADA-da DADA-da DADA-da) = One line.

I wanted to give the impression of a rushing freight train speeding towards the edge of a cliff. Naturally, at the very end, when the metter is broken with (da-DADA da-DADA DADA) -- The train flies off the edge, and the reader pauses, going "oh my god..."

And then there's the last line. (DADA(pause, for emphasis)da-DADADA) -- The train hits the ground below. hard.

At least that's how I envisioned it in my head...

oh I see..how interesting...I think that is a new concept to me...writing with a movement that ends in disaster/tragedy.
youcould rewrite again then with a different ending where the disaster is a near miss
or
where the disaster never happened and where the train moved swiftly till it reaches its destination...
humm....interestind idea Die I am impressed