Thread: Essence of Nature

Moss and lichen grow abounding
through the thick brush forest,
timbers raised high in a canopy
casting a gloom down below.

Animals scurry in the shadows,
always cautious of predators
lurking round the next fallen
trunk.

Felines the size of boulders
slink through the trees,
smelling and sniffing
searching through the breeze.

Depthless caves pock the
ground littered with spongey
moss, vines and sparse reed.

To wander this land unawares
is a dangerous thing indeed.

This was enthralling, I got all caught up in the beautiful vivid imagery...Wonderful....Peace, Jul

Sumptuous. Perhaps sexual overtones in this?

Consider using "abundant" in place of "abounding" in your first line, it's a smoother sounding word.

Very nice peice.

Thank you both

very descriptive ..lots of visuals..I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed this one too, both for the pacing and very alive descriptions. A well done list poem.

I wondered why 'trunk' was on a line of its own. Seemed a bit out of place. Then the repetition of 'moss' in the end could be avoided I think.

I was waiting for something to reveal the essence of nature, but I wasn't really enlightened in such a way. So maybe the title has a little too much grandeur over it, for the content of this poem...

I think the entirety of the poem is the essence of nature.

Hmm... if your stanzas had been somehow more inter-connected, maybe yes. As is I see just descriptions of nature. Essence is for me quite a powerful word...

Originally Posted by vangoghsear

Sumptuous. Perhaps sexual overtones in this?

Consider using "abundant" in place of "abounding" in your first line, it's a smoother sounding word.

Very nice peice.

Sorry to disagree with you, but the two words mean slightly, but importantly different things. Abounding is an active word suited to growth, abundant is a word relating to quantity, and not the manner of its acquisition.

Love this piece, great imagery. Personally, I like abounding here over abundant but both work in their own way. My only suggestions are for S3, I love the alliteration but perhaps find another word to swap out smelling or sniffing. Since they have fairly similar meanings and one doesn't really build on the other I think you might be better off plugging in another word that keeps the alliteration but adds more context. I also think that "searching through the breeze" could be shortened down to simply "Searching the breeze" but that, of course, is entirely up to you. Great work, keep it up.
-I

Niklas,

You've gotten a pretty good cross hatch of reviews. I enjoyed the visuals, some worked for me, some didn't. I did like the felilnes searching 'through' the breeze. It gave me the image of the heads turning, lifting, picking through the subtle currents for the scent. The caves? 'depthless' struck me as having no depth. Not deep. Shallow. Bottomless is used up, so I see why you didn't go there. I'm getting that more thought went into this piece than is obvious at first glance. High marks my friend, good write.

fp

I'll be honest. It didn't do much for me. But then again, I'm not much of a poet. And I'm new at this stuff, so theres a lot about poetry I don't get.