Thread: Arctic Yukon

Winter winds flow among a tree
removing all leaves until a skeleton
is left, reaching down into
the ground, deep down
to the core of the Earth.

Cold water barely flows
beneath the frozen river
covered by snow, hidden
in the flat valley between
the twin mountains beside.

Alone, the tree is assailed
against the unrelenting winds,
the frost beyond cold as
the Sun peeks over a
mountain for a few heartbeats.

Darkness again in the valley,
the spirits stir within the tree.

One emerges, then becomes
eight. Feeding on the blowing
winds, the icy colds; feeling
nothing by the chilled bite.

Green glows lightly above
the valley, surrounded by
shimering gems in the sky.

Renewal comes to the eight
who bask in their land.
They will stand for some
time longer, until the Sun
come round again.

Retreat will come into the
protection of the tree,
where protection will
reach their kins return
in the coming summer.

"Alone, the tree is assailed
against the unrelenting winds,
the frost beyond cold as
the Sun peeks over a
mountain for a few heartbeats.

Darkness again in the valley,
the spirits stir within the tree."


I absolutely love these two stanzas. I love the diction and the tight phrasing. "For a few heatbeats" is an excellent touch.

This poem is exceptional. I love the softness of the moment. There is no arrogance in this. Your use of soft rhymes and easy language fits the scene perfectly.

I would suggest looking at the repetition of "shimmer" in stanza 6. That was the one distraction I had. I don't think the first "shimmers" is working. I'd like to see a new word there.

Excellent work, nonetheless. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for your input.

I got stuck on that as well, also the two uses of "again" in the last two stanzas bothered me, but I didn't know what to change it to, plus it was a subtle bother. I've always wanted to go to the deep North, and see what the ice deserts and mountainous regions are like. I have an uncanny love for the cold and find beauty in places rarely touched by human hands, so such things are very alluring.

How is this, then:

Green glows lightly above
the valley, surrounded by
shimering gems in the sky.

I think you could just get rid of the second "again". I don't think it's necessary.

I like the change. "Glows" has a nice sound to fit the image.

I'm right there with you about wanting to go up to such a place. It all seems so sublime to me.

You certainly have a way of bringing the reader into your poetic world, Thanks . Peace...Jul

Your imagery is fluid and sensual. Good work. Again, I see sexual overtones in your poetry, not sure if it is intentional or just my own twisted interpretations of "twin mountains" and "Darkness again in the valley,
the spirits stir within the tree."

As a nature poem it works well too. Very smooth read.