role reversal

**Nacian** · 10-10-2011, 01:28 PM

recrimenate's enough
reversible it is
a game of halt is up
to tribulate the round

administer as if
the maker is at risk
to resuscitate the fake
intelligence is whiff

originate the wares
or else it tears the racks
the flaunted rips in cracks
and all is left is wrecks

irrational desires
retaliate in fires
a myriad of flames
intensity transpires

obliterated minds
eventually revive
in words and in decise
a flock of sense and style

redecorate the self
flamboyancy requires
tenacity in weight
a wielded lightened height

**toddm** · 10-11-2011, 02:59 AM

Nice play with syllables and rhymes, but does it mean anything?

I used to toy around with stream of consciousness abstract stuff years ago, but grew weary when no one else "got" it - I'm not sure I ever got it myself. It was fun for a while to mix and melt unusual words together, and when crushed and stirred they gave off a peculiarly pleasant fragrance - you do that very well.

But is poetry a perpetual game of word-play, and shapeless abstractions, or is it supposed to transmit something meaningful to another person through words? I guess it is liken to the tension in the world of painting, between the extremes of photo-realism and abstract modern art - both have their justification and their fans.

recrimenate's enough
reversible it is
a game of halt is up
to tribulate the round

Here you begin with something totally nonsensical - I don't mean that in a derogatory way, it is just a fact: non-sense - it makes no sense - at least to this reader, and if you wrote something to be read, then you must care what individual readers' impressions are of it.

I am being completely amiable here, although I guess I'm in a frank mood - but don't be offended by honest feedback : ) you have a great skill in writing; I'm sure you are very astute and capable of conveying clear ideas and images with your magnificent words.

But wasn't Picasso highly skilled at realism, but chose his own highly abstract style, and faced criticism for it? Oh, the complexities of human art and self-expression -

---todd