Thread: Why?

Why do I bother?
Why do I try?
Why should I fight?
What is the point?
It's so hard to continue.
So why should I bother trying to fight?
I've got a solution.
That will bring the conclusion.
Just let me slide this piece of metal.
And break the bond of flesh.

This Poem sounds like a cry for help, I truly hope that you do not feel this way.
If you were just writing a poem, then this has some good--really good lines. Peace...Jul

S.M. This one works well for me.

Here is how I see it, the repetitious short phrasing of "whys" raises tension, then it comes to "what" siignifying that the whys have been answered, or as in this case, the questions have lost their purpose. After that, the flow smoothes and extends into a gentle rhyme as the person considering "To be or not to be" has made their decision and is at ease, ending with a good, simple image that is a common enough phrase, but here is used in a unique manner.

I liked this one a lot.

As was already said, I too hope this is just a poem and not a cry for help.

Thank you SM and vangoghsear. It is not a cry for help so don't be alarmed, I'm sorry if I made you worry. This reminds me of a story my dad told me. He did a report based on a sad movie and the teacher was worried he was depressed XP. Tangent aside, I have never felt this way, I have just observed this emotion and decided to write a poem on it.

I liked this one heaps, S.M., especially those last two lines, absolutely delicious. I can't help but wonder if L6 is necessary as it restates L3. In such a short piece, repetition is always so obvious. Your piece, your choice, love. Nicely done.

Best,
Lisa

Sigh... S.M.grimbldoo...

You continue to amaze me.
(By the way, like heck this isn't a cry for help.
I don't believe it in the least that you're not depressed
but I will say that killing yourself is not a step to be taken lightly.

On principle, I never tell people that life is the only answer.
Only to think carefully on what we want out of life. So please,
don't act rashly.)

Originally Posted by Die Oldhaetunde

Sigh... S.M.grimbldoo...

You continue to amaze me.
(By the way, like heck this isn't a cry for help.
I don't believe it in the least that you're not depressed
but I will say that killing yourself is not a step to be taken lightly.

On principle, I never tell people that life is the only answer.
Only to think carefully on what we want out of life. So please,
don't act rashly.)

if you knew me you would be saying "Like keck he would be depressed." I smile so much I think I will have crow's feet by the time I'm 20 and my sister often gets annoyed because I laugh too much.
Also, I find that your disbelief in me very offensive. I take pride in my ability to observe.

Originally Posted by Chester's Daughter

I can't help but wonder if L6 is necessary as it restates L3. In such a short piece, repetition is always so obvious.

I just liked reordering the words

mmm. ok.

This poem, which deserves more than one read through, exemplifies a well thought out piece.

I'm not sure if you instinctively included the questions of lines 1-3 within the single question of line 6, or if it was a creative attempt. Nonetheless, it is a wonderful display of what I like to call "the setup", or as Vangoghsear said it "raises tension." These qualities are good, they keep the readers attention.

In your revision, work with line 5 a little. Try to carry, and increase, the tension to line 6 by placing more emphasis on "continue." Maybe an exclamation point will do the trick? In addition to the exclamation point, see what line 6 would sound like if you incorporated "continue" somewhere within the question. This may make the poem too wordy or interrupt the syntax. It may also work very well. Give these ideas a shot, I'm curious to see what may come of them.

In regards to the message of "Why?", most ideas, feelings, and words of such nature are often contained and never shared nor expressed. I can't say that I understand everything about the poem's message, but I can say that "Why?" has the privilege of being interpreted in more ways than one.

Commendable efforts, S.M.

Thank you

Try to carry, and increase, the tension to line 6 by placing more emphasis on "continue." Maybe an exclamation point will do the trick?

This poem is of a person that has already given up, they have almost no emotion left; therefore they would not exclaim.

see what line 6 would sound like if you incorporated "continue" somewhere within the question. This may make the poem too wordy or interrupt the syntax.

I cannot find a way to put it in that I like.

You may hate me for this, but: the last 4 lines sound as if they might be part of a good poem, but this isn't it. Self pity does not read well in poetry.

I guess so, but this too short to make a story.

Originally Posted by S.M. grimbldoo

This poem is of a person that has already given up, they have almost no emotion left; therefore they would not exclaim.

I cannot find a way to put it in that I like.

I understand your point. "Why?" is also yours to do as you please.

Do keep in mind that it is possible for one to exclaim their lack of emotions though.

I can see how your not pleased with your attempts to incorporate "continue" in line 6.

Keep up the good work!

Originally Posted by Our_Pneuma

I understand your point. "Why?" is also yours to do as you please.

Do keep in mind that it is possible for one to exclaim their lack of emotions though.

I can see how your not pleased with your attempts to incorporate "continue" in line 6.

Keep up the good work!

Thank you. When I read it, I feel that the empty statement is best.