Thread: Scutigera Coleoptrata

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Note: This is still fresh, but I am looking for reactions. Any and all critique is open-armedly welcome.

I love this. I can't say I see any nits. You write very well, which explains why your replies are always so informative, you really know your stuff. I have the creepy crawly many legged slug thingys, so I can completely relate. Please tell me you've never hit one with your hand, oh please say it isn't so. *shudder* The what do you eat made me chuckle, wonder that myself. Your splotches are spot-on. I was going to cite lines, but I'd have ended up quoting the entire piece, it's that good. The penultimate stanza is chilling, just a hint of possible madness, superb. Extremely well executed J.W., I wouldn't touch a word.

Best,
Lisa

Hm. If there's a metaphor here, then I like it. If not, then I'm not entirely sure. The piece is, like Lisa said, well-written (of course). I felt like the first two lines were actually stronger in comparison to the rest of the poem, and I think that had a lot to do with all the questions. Now, this is all a matter of opinion, but in my opinion, I think questions in poetry are stronger when there are less of them. I find that statements make a bigger impact. Not all the time. There are exceptions. But in this poem, I preferred the statments.

Now, on to the content... I like the idea of something being a constant, something that you have to kill over and over again. I think there's something really powerful about that idea, and it's something I really connect with. Your title, however, suggests that there isn't a deeper meaning here than killing a bug. If there are deeper meanings (and I really hope so), my suggestion would be to change your title.

I also thought it got just a tad wordy in some spots. For example:

yet you hound me.

I would cut "yet."

Villain, do you get pleasure from this?
What is the cause of this haunting?

I'd cut "villain" and would maybe say "what causes this haunting?" instead. However, I think both questions are cliche.

The only part where I really loved the questions was this:

What do you eat? What do you do, but wait on my walls
waving your many arms, silky, snaky, lazily taunting me,
asking what?

This was constructed perfectly. Strong and effective.

I hope that helps a little. Like I said, I like this a lot as a metaphor. I think you should really work through some of those questions and see if you can make them more unique.

Bay

Everyone knows I have the terrible habit of taking things literally, but I also wondered if there was a whole other piece going on aside from the obvious. Now you've got me thinking it even more, Bay. Of course, I went the route I did because the disgusting buggers pop up here now and again. Perhaps I was rash. So, J.W., please enlighten us as to your intentions, kind sir. For what it's worth, the questions didn't bother me, they are abundant because they are born of frustration.

Best,
Lisa

Is something "Bugging you"? If this is just as it reads--then well done, I won't take the flyswatter to you, But--if there is more---and I have missed it, well then I am "stung "with embarrassment ....I loved this, really. Peace...Jul

Thank you, all.

I wrote this at face value, but like any good poem I hope that it does not exist in isolation -- if you are able to make connections with it, that is wonderful. There is no developed metaphor to go along with it -- just issues of frustration, paranoia, and a touch of madness.

You've given me things to think about though -- if there are too many questions, and whether there should be some deeper meaning developed throughout it. And if so, what would it be?

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As a side note, however, I do find it odd that your appreciation of the poem hinges on my intent. When you are reading it, it is your poem. Whether there is any deeper meaning is up to you and how you connect with it. I can intend all I want, but if it does not come across, it's not there. At least, that's how I read poems.

I think you have done what every artist TRIES to do. You wrote a great poem, and have allowed your reader to take from that poem, whatever they need...You have forged a connection to your reader, and the reader can make this as personal, or amusing--or chilling as they like. Peace...Jul

I have a pesticide applicators license... all ya gotta do is ask ...

Ha! What a fun read. As one who lives in an attic apartment, complete with centipedes and spiders, I can relate. I love the humor in this, and the hate. Really clever.