Thread: Heavenly treasure

There you lay sulking,
you blame me for everything
tossing, turning; you can't get comfortable
cause you ruined life with me
Sorry if I don't respect you
It's been years since I've felt that way
I used to love everything about you
still you chose everything God hates
and I am left to pick up the pieces
try to put this puzzle together
I am left with the fight of my life
while you just let me wither
Well I'm sorry if I can't forgive anymore
and I'm sorry if I can't forget either
It's too painful for me to endure
I feel like ending my life forever
So thank you for your selfishness
and the way you love to kill me
Thank you for your endless abuse
and how it shatters through me
I never felt so strong in my life
Like I could do anything
Even with my head in a vice
I never will complain
Not to you
It would give you too much pleasure
So I keep it to myself
as I build up heavenly treasure

What a depressing piece. Why stay with him? Heaven is a long way off, and life is very long. Why not start a new life here and now? Why continue to suffer until death? These are the questions that come to mind after reading this. I hope this is not from your own life experience. I have no critique, just that reaction. Is that what you intended?

What a tragic poem...very expressive and well written with a nice melodic flow.
You are skillful getting your feelings across to the reader,making it so easy to empathize and connect to you.Having said that--what a terrible wast of precious life to stay in a situation that is so bad...Thank you for sharing your private feeling here. All my best,Jul

I'm stuck back on the iPad, my son needs the laptop for homework, and since I can't type to save my life on this thing, I must be briefer than I'd like. I can completely relate to this piece, you did what I can't and I thank you profusely for it, Fossie. I sincerely hope it is fictional because if its not, I know the intensity of your pain very well, too well. If I had the guts, I could have written this myself, the only thing I do is touch on certain aspects here and there. Thanks for speaking for me. Phyllis' questions have merit indeed, but people stay for a reason, whatever it may be, and those questions are not easily answered. Again, thank you for this, it'll be part of my brain from now on. Oh, one more thing, I do think the piece would benefit from being properly punctuated, but that's entirely up to you. Well done, love, distress factor at its best.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you for all your critiques. I know punctuation is so important, if you could point it out to me I will fix it! I do write out my feelings, it is always way more complicated than anyone could ever understand. Somehow my feelings always rhyme, just so you know lol. Writing is where I spill or spew out emotion and it comes out as is. I cannot help it.
Phyllis, as I see it the only ones who understand choices and reasoning are the ones walking their path and God. I do not judge and I expect others not to judge me. Vengeance is not mine.

I think that the last 5 lines tell that you are getting revenge...albeit , a very subtle revenge. In not allowing yourself to be destroyed. As they say "living well, is the best revenge"...Peace...Jul

I like that Jul, I suppose you could say I do "consider it all joy" no matter what form of persecution I may endure, as long as I know I am doing what is right I can smile.

this was upsetting for such a well writtien peice, dont let the boys bring you down to much
its not worth it