Thread: Love

I feel it in my heart.
Driven like nail by hammer.
It gives me aches.
It gives me joy.
It makes me thinks clear.
It clouds my mind.
This crazy,
Beautiful,
Even silly
Thing that people like to call,
Love.

Too many trite overused words and expressions. Try this and see the difference it makes: Google "thesaurus" and keep a window open to type in words as you go, so you can find choices with more zing, more impact, that are not so common.

Also, while I like the contrast of two aspects of love in lines 5 and 6, "clear" is grammatically incorrect here.. should be "clearly." And "It makes me think" is very clumsy... scrap it. (Similar clumsiness here: "It gives me...") The second half of the comparison, "It clouds my mind," is fine, but again it's a trite phrase.

Look for original wording in your work. Do give the thesaurus a try. Then redo this one using it and see what happens. It will be a better start, anyway, then we can work on other aspects.

Always Phyllis everywhere I go XD. It was just something that popped into my mind and I decided to write it down. I won't be fixing it.

Originally Posted by S.M. grimbldoo

Always Phyllis everywhere I go XD.

I do not understand XD. Never saw that before. Assume it is short for a phrase, but don't know what. Anyway, as I said in the Shadows thread, since you don't appreciate my attempt to help, I will not bother reading your work again, and you will not have to "defend" it.

Originally Posted by S.M. grimbldoo

Always Phyllis everywhere I go XD. It was just something that popped into my mind and I decided to write it down. I won't be fixing it.

When you get serious about your writing---and want an honest critique--I can only hope that you have not alienated all the Wonderful writers here---who would have given you valuable advice AND encouragement [[[bangs head against the wall--while pulling out hair}}}}}}

I feel it in my heart.
Driven like nail by hammer

Two absolutely splendid lines. A very strong similie.

I'm ready to confirm this as an excellent start and then I read your reply to Phyliss.

I won't be fixing it.

I felt Phyliss's disappointment for she put in great effort in her review. And then I thought you might need a jump start here.

Why is critique so important for a writer? I looked into a link for you and I'll gleen from it for your understanding.

Originally Posted by Writer's Article

Whether you are working on the first draft of your book, editing your short story, or experimenting with different forms of poetry, getting criticism from fellow writers (and readers) should be a regular part of your creative process. Let’s face it: anyone can put words on a page and call it a story, or divide those words up into stanzas and call it a poem. But successful authors know that constructive feedback from a freelance fiction editor, critique partner, or writing group is tantamount to perfecting the craft of writing.

The entirety of the article is pretty interesting. Just click here and then please try to feel at home! Laurie

http://www.writersrelief.com/blog/20...ssful-writers/

To Phyllis, XD = cross eyed smiley face. I am sorry that you all thought that I was disregarding Phyllis, from the beginning I was not planning on changing it, I just wrote it down for fun, thanks ash, next time I will. I probably should have said thanks.

It's fine, Sam. I understand now. I will look forward to reading what you post, and will always give you my honest input, both + and -. I think you can handle it.

This was really cute and pretty right on when it comes to love. Such a mind blowing confusing topic everyone goes through.