Thread: Government and Class

This is my first post.

Our world is much more
Than everything but a core
Everything is meant to happen
For you and yours
I think about my actions
And write it down, rapping
Reflect on the past
And resemble my lifes caption
We have prayers
We have sinners
We have muslims, now, fasting
Theres winners who have all of it
And some without rations
those losers in the game
Dont always hold the blame
Its a bloody shame
To witness how we became
Many of us, do not deserve
What we are claimed
From birth, we were all
One and the same
So how can the equality of men
Depend on power
Time and time again
We find freedom in our churches
As we pray, amen
But is that freedom ok when
Deep down you know
So so righteous crows
With red ties have overthrown
What we have grown
Since a long time ago
We must approach slow
But steady like a tableau
Have not one of us seen
that they have reached a plateau?
Without theyre supporters
The reasons they have the dough
Open your eyes
Detect just what I see
If we can create what we want
And mean what we mean
Than those days of hard work
Could bring us to where we want to be

My first question would be whether you intend this to work as lyrics or poetry? The lack of chorus makes me think poetry and recitation rather than singing.
Your meaning is a little unclear in some places-You say:"Our world is much more
Than everything but a core
Everything is meant to happen
For you and yours"

That's your opening-what exactly does this mean? Remember that your potential audience may or may not have the same connection to events that you do.

And again:"I think about my actions
And write it down, rapping
Reflect on the past
And resemble my lifes caption"

I'm not really sure what your "life's caption" is symbolizing here? Is it your epitaph, or that you view life as a cartoon?
Those lead-ins make it hard to understand exactly what you're on about here. Some of the lines are quite good, but need a context established to make them shine. Decrying the lot of the have-nots can be effective-that's worked for lyricists throughout the years.
Keep in mind that the aim of rebellion is generally to replace those in power with the rebels, who should have an idea about what they want the world to be, and how to get things to be that way. While you don't need to make that explicit, that idea will inform your verse and help to make the result more powerful.

I appreciate your detailed response. I'm glad you pointed out my weak introduction, and broad explanations. Poetry or Recitation is where this piece should have been posted as well. Thank you.

You're most welcome.