Thread: I'll Be Waiting

I’ll see you in the morning
if you still want to know me.
I’ll be waiting in the kitchen
for you to come and sit down.
If you still want to listen,
I’ll be waiting for you.

I’ll be waiting right here,
sitting in this little chair.
I’m not going anywhere
anytime real soon.
I’ll be in this little room
waiting for you.

Hmm, could use a little imagery. Waiting is an action and a state of mind, but that could be more strongly expressed with details and nuances and all that good stuff.

Originally Posted by Isaiah Lake

I’ll see you in the morning
I’m not going anywhere
anytime real soon.

I liked this, as it had more of a sense of flow in comparison to a lot of this poem, plus it reflexes the theme very well.
I think if you put semi-colons on the end of every second line in the first stanza bar the 'I'll be waiting for you.' it'll flow slightly better, as I think that complete pause isn't necessary:

I'll see you in the morning
if you still want to know me;
I'll be waiting in the kitchen
for you to come and sit down;

I think a comma on the second last line would be better too, to give more of a pause before reading the final line (it would, in my opinion, give the poem a better climax).
I do like this but , if you used more metaphors or imagery related, then I think this would be even better. I would like to see more work by you (I'd also like to see something that has more than one varying theme too. I think you'd be good at that)

This is a little obscure---but that makes this seem mysterious---I know something bad went down---because the writer is not sure if the person written about---wants to see or talk to him...I would love more drama and details.... Nice though. Peace...Jul