Thread: The Ocean and the Sand

I see the Ocean call to the Sand
As a million smiles play over her smooth hands

The Sand cannot respond
She is without a voice
But not without a heart
A heart broken into billions of grains
For the Sand sees that the Ocean has other loves

The Sun
That moves quickly and brightly
Creating a majestic glow off of the Ocean’s face

The Moon
That moves elegantly and serenely
Creating a tranquil glow off of the Ocean’s face

The Sand can only watch
As the Moon and the Sun pass over the Ocean
In harmony and joy

But the sand does not recognize that it too has another love
Millions
For all the smiles that it holds above
And all that frolic in euphoria over its shattered heart

The Sand has us
Just as we have the Sand

Very powerful and your line breaks are perfect. I can just imagine James Earl Jones doing this as a narrative. GOOD WORK!

fp

This started out serene--yet powerful with your first 2 lines[gorgeous] and then sort of got watered down...the last 2 lines of this beautiful poem ended with a whimper and left me feeling quite dissatisfied .... peace...Jul

I agree with Ash's comments. You could leave "I" out completely and just say

the Ocean calls to the Sand
As a million smiles play over her smooth hands

I like the idea of the ocean calling to the sand by struggle with the idea of the sun and moon being the ocean's other lovers since both shine on the sand as well as the sea nor that the sand has us as lovers.

I agree with previous comments; but would add that in addition to 'heart broken into a million grains', another gem hidden in your piece is the idea that 'the ocean has other loves'. Both those poetic images have power.
pete