Thread: The Rollercoaster Ride

You enter with uncertainty
Preparing for what lies ahead
The ride of your life
Awaits you

Going up the first hill
Way up high above
You can’t get out now
No turning back

What goes up…?
Of course comes down
A long drop down
Faster… faster… faster… only to go back up again!

Twisting and turning
Winding and whirling all over
Disorienting…
Confusing…

No getting off now
You’re out of control
Taken over by
The wild raging machine

The movement stops
The dragon sleeps again
You’re freed from captivity
Until next time that is

It’s over already
Yes, that was it
Or was it?
Is it time to ride again?

Not bad - I won't say 'predictable', but it did play out pretty much like I expected - the bit about the dragon was unexpected though.

I realized from the title immediately what this was going to be about, and it did not disappoint in that regard - very straightforward and clear.

It could be improved by adding tangible evidence of how the rider is feeling, not just how the machine is moving - things like heart racing, head being jerked, eyes being held shut, giddy smile at the end, euphoric feeling afterwards etc, but try to make it unique and not cliched like my examples are : )

Also, it might help the piece by changing it to a first person perspective.

---todd