Thread: The Mating Habits of Bedbugs (Mild Sexual Content)

Meh. Thanks Angel but no other reviews so I think I'll take this one down. Please delete thread, mods.

Hey you. You probably figured you'd be getting some sass from me, so look at what I did:

"I definitely didn't lose any interest throughout this poem. This poem, to me, felt like each part was delving deeper into something. The "infestation." There was this knowing feeling that was growing throughout. That probably makes no sense. Crap. I'm failing at this review already. Haha. What I mean is it felt like the voice in this poem was going through different parts of himself that he finds sort of vile and disgusting. Each part felt like he found out a little more about himself and was working more toward facing it. (You're probably like... Bay, what the hell are you talking about?! Lol.)

I think one of the main issues with this piece is that it has so many different pieces to it. Different ideas that went into it. Different things that inspired it. And while this is wonderful and I feel like you've unified everything pretty well, I do think that maybe unifying it a little more will help you get some understanding of this piece from your readers.

Couple other little nitpicks:

Quote:

while chewing your dinner – unsure what to say. Chitinous words hide in the corners of your mouth. This is how you learned to speak – conjoining syllables with your tongue. Trapping bugs in your mouth.

I really love those last two lines, though they aren't my favorites of the piece (and there are just so many to pick from). However, and this may just be me, it's bothering me that you used the word "mouth" twice like that.

Quote:

They knew no difference between one patch of skin

Not loving "knew no difference." Sounds too proper for this piece.

Most of the issues I had with this were in the last part.

Quote:

And who can blame you when you get back to the place and decide you can't live here any more.

Two things: Anymore? One word? Two? Maybe it's because I'm American. Haha. And secondly, I can't decide if I like this as a statement and not a question. As it is, there's this certainty about it. And the rest of that poem has that "knowing" feeling as well, like I talked about earlier. But I almost want this voice to break a little. This last part especially is just so matter-of-fact.

Quote:

Make sure to sanitize or dispose of everything. or something might stay with you.

I like the ending of this piece, but for me, it was a little too expected. The last line is really what I'm talking about. I love the line before it.

Okay. So now things I like. (Told you I didn't have much to complain about. Haha.)

Quote:

A trickle of sweat or an agitated nerve – or maybe it was nothing.

This, I feel, was much more effective than the ending. The nothing just seemed more powerful than the something.

Quote:

I tried to wipe the crumbs – if that's what they were –

This line was one of my favorites. The imagery was so subtle, but the statement afterward brought it to a whole other level. Excellent.

Quote:

You said, please talk to me.

Fantastic ending to that part.

Quote:

You can't sleep in that room without dreaming of little carcasses in the floors.

THIS is my favorite part. I'd love it if this were the last line. So powerful.

Needless to say, this is an excellent poem. I really loved it."

Stand by what I said.

Ha ha. The ad at the bottom is for Terminix. Telling about Bed Bugs. And how much blood they can drink.

Sidewinder; The poem was up for 4 days. You should really leave your work up regardless of whether or not you get reviews. And when you are new to the forum which you seem to be, welcome to writers forum by the way; you should post reviews for others. It will help you develop skills in, critical appreciation, parsing phrases, and such. Also you will come to appreciate the reviews and suggestions you receive from others.

I wrote a poem about head lice (louse) titled Ode to the head louse. A silly little ditty. To be sure

regards

Thanks for the protip, dude. However, I'm on a lot of forums and was just sorta giving this one a test run to see what the environment was like. I did leave a few reviews before posting mine. Based on the lack of activity, I think this site's not really for me.

Honestly I put a LOT of work into this particular poem and if no one has anything to say about it then it's sorta like pearls for swine in my opinion. No offense.

You have a total of fifteen posts. You're new to the site. This site works on a basis of "you get what you give". If you take time to comment on others and make yourself known then you'll get feedback.

Meh. Thanks but no thanks.

Originally Posted by Sidewinder

Meh. Thanks but no thanks.

Which proves the point that I and another have made.

That I don't want to use this forum? Yup. Proves that. No hard feelings. Just delete the thread, man.

Wait! I want to read this argument; it seems pretty heated and I am one of those people who nibbles after blood...

Originally Posted by Sidewinder

Thanks for the protip, dude. However, I'm on a lot of forums and was just sorta giving this one a test run to see what the environment was like. I did leave a few reviews before posting mine. Based on the lack of activity, I think this site's not really for me.

Maybe you're too young for this, Sidewinder.

This is a forum for posting work. In order to get views and comments on work, one must have a reputation. In order to build up a reputation, one must post.

And this is quite a good forum. Most others that I've seen are dysfunctional, or tiny, or limited to a certain group of people. Like this one: Story Network • View forum - Writing

Honestly I put a LOT of work into this particular poem and if no one has anything to say about it then it's sorta like pearls for swine in my opinion. No offense.

If you're on a lot of forums, you ought to be too busy to complain. If you want to talk, go to a chat room.

Look, a lot of the people on these forums put a LOT of work into their pieces, and plenty of them get zero reviews, because either there is no demand (stories) or there is too much supply (poetry). It is silly & childish to believe that other users are ignoring your posts on purpose, or that it is their fault for not noticing your thread.

My sincerest apologies for ranting and for hurting any feelings you might have, and enjoy your day.

Um...

This isn't a serious argument, guys. Really, the thread isn't serving the forum at this point. I don't really see the point in keeping it up. And there's no point in continuing an argument either. Just saying.

MOD NOTE: Since there is no piece present here for crit, it's pointless to keep bumping this thread. It would be greatly appreciated if we all would refrain from doing so further. Wouldn't it be better to use our time reviewing actual pieces? Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

Lisa