Thread: Downtown Boathouse Evening

Downtown Boathouse Evening

A Newfy, broad side-burned
in a goofy yellow shirt
squeezes reels and jigs
from a hollow musical snake.
His companion
sumptuous, earthy and beautiful
plucks a triangular banjo.

The setting sun
warms the boathouse boards
as I share the heron's stillness.
Water bugs leap like gazelles
from placid savannah grasses
winking flashes of silver.
Ducks churn purposefully,
bill-sniff side to side
dimpling the water's skin.

It is dinner time and the heron
intent on the island rock
steps once and twice into the shallow edge
retracts his beak like a cocked harpoon
and deepens his hungry stillness
as my toes, warmed by sun and music
keep the Newfy's beat.

A small crowd gathers behind the music makers:
a bicyclist or two, someone in a wheeled walker.
In the distance runners cross the railway bridge
young strides wide against blue sky.
The heron rips savagely, comically through his dignified stillness-
belly flops into the water, emerges ungainly with flopping
prey tweezered in his beak. It is duly pincered and gobbled.
Then proud stance resumed, a delicate sip or two of post-meal
river water, tea-time with pinky extended.

I rise from the warm boards; dinner waits nearby
at an elegant restaurant, itself doubtless no less a stage
for absurd and inelegant graspings.

I liked this a lot. I think you've set a scene, created interesting images, and your word-choices kept my interest. The thing that I will say is that I felt like there were too many adjectives. I felt it was too overpowering and that some of the substance was lost in that. Will come back and take a second look at this when I have a little more time.

I'll have to come back, also, but I wanted you to know that I love this, J.R., my mind is afire with your vivid imagery. Way to paint a scene, love. Unlike Bay, I had no problems with the adjectives and did not find them obvious or intruding at all. I suppose I was too swept up in the piece, which is always a wonderful thing. Absolutely adored your use of "tweezered", as well "as tea-time with pinky extended". I think a bit more punctuation might be in order, but that is my only nit. Will return as soon as I have some quality time, but please know that you've done a fabulous job.

Best,
Lisa

CD and Angel: Thanks for dropping by. Look forward to your ongoing reflections.

Cheers

J.R.