Thread: Flatline

Just a little something I wrote coming out of a panic attack, made me feel better somehow to put it down, anyway have at it!


The grey demon in my mind
tugs at thin strings.
Neural triggers pulse in time,
a myelin din-
A beat inside that won't subside,
till thoughts grow dim.
As eyes fail and mind slides,
hear the beat-
flatline.

I like this piece. I have frequent panic attacks myself, so I felt a strong connection to what you described. I'm not sure about use of "demon" here. I mean, it's accurate, but I feel like "demons" are overused in poetry and perhaps something else could express the same thought in a more unique way. I did love the pulsing of your lines, though. I almost wish there were more emphasis on that. Visually, I mean. Long line, short line, long line, shortline, etc. I love that they're all fairly short overall, though, because there's a rapidness about it that reminds me of a heart pounding. Nice work.

Bay

I think she's right about "demon" I would try "master" there as it's a look-alike to matter.