Thread: earthquake

it wasn't construction; it wasn't a prank.
turn on the news before it's too late.
so many worms surface,
feeling the rain beginning.
earthquake, bring us to our knees,
one and all, for fear of falling.

Haha, I take it this was written just after the earthquake last week? We actually had one here too... in Colorado!? What?

I like the sounds here. Powerful ending as well.

Thank you! And yes, it was. Ah, Colorado's earthquake was more intense than New York's; we only got Virginia's leftovers, so to speak.

Trides, I enjoyed this short piece - it has some unique elements
I especially like the two lines about the worms

I do think line 2 could be altered a bit - are the first two lines supposed to sorta rhyme? "before it's too late" seems like it could be tweaked

the last two lines are really brilliant

---todd

Thank you very much! I will see if anything can be done about the second line... oh, and congratulations on becoming Mentor. What does the position mean, exactly? What new superpowers do you have?

Not sure about the first two lines of this piece. Seem sort of...cutesy? (Except the construction part. I really liked that.) Not in keeping with the tone of the rest of the piece in my opinion. I really liked the last line, but I don't think the line before it was quite as powerful. Felt like it was trying too hard to be powerful. Maybe it's the placement of earthquake, or even the simple bringing to the knees. I don't know. I made margaritas this morning. (It's breakfast!)

Thanks, Angel! Perhaps when I'm not as lazy I shall fix these. And I hope you enjoyed your margaritas. I myself must wait another eight years.

I really enjoyed this. I love it when writers can bring a point across in such a short space, which you've done here. 'short, sweet and to the point' I guess is what comes in mind. Very intense imagery and emotions. Great work.