Thread: red wine ring

The red wine ring
curls next to you
as you sleep on
the living room
floor. I turn off
the TV and cover you
with my comforter
and go to bed.
The sheets are thin
so I sleep with my
clothes on. Before
morning I hear you
crying so I help
you to the bathroom.
I stand you up in
front of the sink
while you hold my
hand and the wet
porcelain is cold
beneath my feet
and the fluorescent
light above sharpens
the predawn darkness
that sinks in through
the windows and curls
around the red
wine ring.

Hi, I really liked this. I grew up in an alcoholic household, so the first couple of lines really resonated with me... thanks for posting this.*

Such a melancholy atmosphere. I feel as though this whole scene is in darkness and shadows, it really adds to the feeling of the poem. The imagery you build here, without many useless words, makes it easy for the reader to follow and feel present.

I'd like to see this with longer lines. Might slow it down a bit...

You created a large scene in so few words very effectively. It reminds me of a poem I wrote about my alcholic mother, using imprint of the ring of a glass booze on her dresser. The ring speaks so loudly. And the "red wine ring" gives me a very strong picture. Excellent poem! Laurie

revised version

I

He comes home to the sounds
of bruises being sewn in
with closed hands. He passes
the kitchen where she paints
the linoleum with words tinted
with merlot and plaque. The thump
of their daughter's back against
the plaster hid his footsteps
as he slid into his study where
the whisper of the wooden door
moving over the carpet calls
out for him.

II

The red wine ring
curls next to you
as you sleep on
the living room
floor. I turn off
the TV, cover you
with my comforter,
and go to bed.

Before morning
I hear you crying
so I help you
to the bathroom.
I stand you up
in front of the sink
while you hold my
arm and the wet
porcelain is cold
beneath my feet.

The florescent
light above sharpens
the darkness that
sinks in through
the window as
I clean your face
and give you water
through my cupped hand.

this is so relevant especially in the current financial climate

I love this poem - concise and circular. I too grew up in an alcoholic spiraling household. Like how you overlap sentences into a line.

The first time I read this, I thought it was the red wine doing the curling, thus being personified. Then "as you sleep on the living room floor" I took to mean as one sleeps.. being the author doing the sleeping. I figured the wine ring was the one being covered by the comforter, as one would hide a stain.

I then figured the wine ring was doing the crying in the fourth sentence, but helping it to the bathroom didn't make sense. I had to start over assuming there was a child somewhere and had to decipher what was going on from there. More work than I wanted, to be honest.

I think if it could somehow be made a little less ambiguous, this has the potential to be a good work with great imagery.

JRB