Thread: I do apologize for not being a good WF member...

...and dumping this load of shiitake on you so suddenly, but I'm at that stage where adolescence loses its last shred of patience and starts needing to be autotuned and negligent. So, without any further ado,

Rejected
Miles away I try to find
You in the pages of black and white
Notes and chords and line after line
The windows no longer let in any light.
According to you the fault is all mine
Yet you give me no chance to express my remorse
Something I would not, could not understand
Was why at the last minute the gale changed course
The rain started falling, and the words turned to sand.

Trides, I liked the poem but would eliminate

Notes and chords and line after line

It seems to come out from nowhere.

The rain started falling, and the words turned to sand.

But I did love your last line!

More! Laurie

Thank you.

I will attempt to explain "Notes and chords and line after line."

"The pages of black and white" are actually referring to sheet music, which contains notes and chords, line after line. I was attempting to weave in music, especially as this melodramatic poem was inspired by a musician...

Thanks, Trides. Got it!

love the last line "words turn to sand". really like the imagery/metaphors in lines 1-4 and 8-9. Not so keen on the literal and explicit lines 5-7 which seem almost prose like and non-poetic?

Trides - as a fellow poet/songwriter/musician I 100% "got" what you meant and could see the sheet music in my mind. Ive been there when writing a song about a particular person.

I remember being a teenager. You will never feel things so intensely again which is both a blessing and a curse. Hang in there

@Ravel: Yeah, 5-7 aren't too poetic... I wanted to anchor the poem so it would make sense, but maybe I tried too hard.
@SouthCityTan: Thank you! I wonder, do you like pop songs? One of my favorites is "Rain" by MIKA, and I really recommend it... ah, that was random.

Trides - I enjoy all sorts of music. Ill go look that song up.