Thread: road trip (language)

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I like this as usual. I love the images you create and the way you use your words. I think my main issue with this one is the length. I think that while the way you're saying things is interesting, there isn't enough substance there to carry this kind of length. I might cut stanzas 4 and 5. Stanza 9 doesn't do much for me either. I like "ragdoll beautiful," though. Maybe try and incorporate that into an earlier stanza? And there are also a few lines throughout that I don't think are really adding anything to the piece. But it's totally up to you where to make the cuts, if you decide to make them.

The only other big suggestion I would make is punctuation. I know that you don't generally use it and that it's just your style, but I think this piece would benefit from a couple periods. Give your readers a breath! Haha. Nice work, as always.

thanks bay, it does need some trimming and tightening, i will take your suggestions under serious consideration... thanks for the help

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