Thread: As The Angry Wind Blows

Scared leaves rustle, rustle in angry wind
Rustle so much as to make a roaring din
A din so monstrous so vile so large
As to create a crying tidal wave
Which rises swallows all in its charge
As I watch, watch through gaping eyes
This rustling monster ending finishing lives
I ask it but to recall that time long long ago
That time when noise was scarce
When the leaves rustled scared and slow
Ask what, what has changed since that day
When the leaves rustled slow and gray
When angry winds cried and jeered
When the leaves were tentative here and there
Nothing, I dare say, not even that wretched fear

Good overall power in the prose. I'd use synonyms for 'angry', 'rustle' and 'cry', unless they are duplicated for effect.

Also, I had a disconnect with the leaves being 'scared' then making a 'roaring din'.

Strong imagery. Thanks for sharing.

"'angry', 'rustle' and 'cry', unless they are duplicated for effect." - Precisely
"Also, I had a disconnect with the leaves being 'scared' then making a 'roaring din'." The metamorphosis is part of the plot

Anthropomorphising leaves is a tricky business, it's tricky enough when one does it with animals. The problem is, this seems to end in the first line, it doesn't develop, we are given no reason why these leaves are feeling mammalian emotions. How is it that leaves can feel scared? You have attributed to them an emotion, refer to it again on line 10 in a listy kind of way. The poem is about the noise created by the wind and rustling leaves, yet you shut your eyes to it, not close you ears - odd. You tell us several times about the din, repetition must be used in poems with great care, specially after such a good line as "When noise was scarce", an original concept drowned by the neighbouring lines.

This rustling monster ending finishing lives - I don't get this line, it sounds like a tautology, "He descended into the black blackness".

Great comment Bloggs. Corrections are beyond me at the moment. Poem needs an overhaul, it'll get one in a new poem.