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Thread: Behind the 8 Ball.

  1. #1
    Scribe missmojorising's Avatar
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    Behind the 8 Ball.

    She sparkles behind the 8 ball
    Half smiles reflect off mirrored glass
    And mosaic back splashes illuminate her mood

    The volume is pumping
    A crescendo of vocals
    Rise and fall
    Strong and weak
    High and low
    Gathered in communion
    Bigger,
    Better,
    Greater,
    In their fellowship

    LBB

  2. #2
    Mentor toddm's Avatar
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    I like the flow of this one, although I really don't have an inkling what it is about - it does flow along well, and end nicely -
    I did wonder what you used the commas near the end when you don't use any punctuation elsewhere - just wondering
    ---todd

  3. #3
    Scrivener
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    Well, let's see. Now I never thought of pool balls as "she," but in a full rack I think the seven ball and the nine ball are there.

    Going with the pool ball thesis, the firsrt stanza is about the rack waiting to be hit. Then the secind stanza is about the break
    and the balls flying around the table and gladly falling into the pockets.

    Now I know that wasn't what you were shooting for but I couldn't resist. Like toddm I have no clue as to the target of this poem.

    Read aloud it sounds nice and flows well. I do like the use of the commas since they give a sharp pause after a ball drops into a pocket.
    The two keys to a successful life

    1 - Don't tell everything you know.

    2 -

  4. #4
    Scribe missmojorising's Avatar
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    I wrote this in a crowded bar, full of vatos, one night -- it was a riff on the mood I felt permeating from the crowd.

    Urban Dictionary: vato

  5. #5
    Scrivener
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    got it . .possibly . . you haven't hit the ball yet have you?

    I like the crowd psyche.

  6. #6
    Scribe missmojorising's Avatar
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    Hit the ball? Heck -- I'm a Ball Breaker.

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