Thread: To E.U.M.

(after Billy Collins)

You are not the great bear,
You are not the flat side of the ruler;
Neither are you the shepherd’s crook
or the family dog.

You are not a mountain or a waterfall—
certainly, you are no shimmering lake—
and you are not a plush green pasture.

Perhaps you are a desert. Or an ice shelf.

You’re not a reaching, searching tree,
your branches aching toward heaven.
You are not an onrushing river.
You’re no lion, either.

Granted, you are not a butcher, or a boxer,
neither are you a boar.
Don’t misunderstand: I am grateful
that you were never a boar.

Yet, you were never once a healer;
Neither were you a harbor.
You still aren’t.

Thankfully, you are neither
the serpent nor its egg,
but you certainly aren’t a rock,
although you may be a stone.
You may also be the dry
autumn leaves but you are not
the lee, and you will never, ever
be the sun.

Father, you have been treading
in proximity of my life for twenty-six years
and I still do not know what you are.

______________________

Wrote this... sheesh, almost five years ago. It borrows, I think, too much from Billy Collins' "Litany", sans the gentle humor and tenderness, but I guess that was intentional on my part. (Linky: Poem of the Day » Litany by Billy Collins). Anyhow, let me know what you think. Thanks~

You certainly did borrow from Collins, but I think a simple "After Collins" below the title will be fine. It's always fun to take a certain form and try your hand at it. And don't I remember you saying form is basically not needed these days, or something to that effect? You seem to have a pretty solid rhyme scheme going on throughout this, although the line breaks and stanza breaks make it seem hidden. I love the flow you have established. Your words roll of the tongue nicely. I'm assuming the title refers to the initials of your father?

My one concern is the final stanza. It's certainly necessary, and it conveys a strong thought. But it is wordy. I think you can economize it a bit to make it match better with the rest of the piece.

You are not the great bear,
You are not the flat side of the ruler;
Neither are you the shepherd’s crook
or the family dog. - i like that, gave me a chuckle

You are not a mountain or a waterfall—
certainly, you are no shimmering lake—
and you are not a plush green pasture.

Perhaps you are a desert. Or an ice shelf. i thing you should connect these two sentences, "or an ice shelf" not sure why that is seperated

You’re not a reaching, searching tree,
your branches aching toward heaven.
You are not an onrushing river. - not sure about "onrushing", didn't feel right, i like the sounds, just felt odd, perhaps it's just me
You’re no lion, either.


Granted, you are not a butcher, or a boxer,
neither are you a boar.
Don’t misunderstand: I am grateful
that you were never a boar. - again, that's pretty cute

Yet, you were never once a healer;
Neither were you a harbor.
You still aren’t.

Thankfully, you are neither
the serpent nor its egg, - that has a stingy quality to it, very nice

but you certainly aren’t a rock,
although you may be a stone.
You may also be the dry
autumn leaves but you are not
the lee, and you will never, ever
be the sun.


Father, you have been treading
in proximity of my life for twenty-six years
and I still do not know what you are. - great ending

i confess, i havent read much of collins, i did read some of his poetry 180 collections, and i heard him read up at d.u. a few years ago, so i'm not sure how to conpare this to him (i haven't read your link yet either, but i will). this has a bitter humor to it, and a bit tongue in cheek. very direct and focus. i like the symbols you used, i felt this spoke mostly in symbols, which is nice. i really enjoyed this.

I am absolutely mystified and intrigued...this sounds like a respectful Rant...Like I would like to tell someone off in a respectful and intelligent way---cold , concise --maintaining my self control and a large part of my dignity --while deriving an immense pleasure in a job well done. [hope that made sense ] . I adore your style and panache . Thank you for a wonderful read. Peace....Jul

SG:

And don't I remember you saying form is basically not needed these days, or something to that effect?

Hm. I don't remember, but that sounds like something I would say, haha. Maybe you're referring to my remarks in wood's prose poetry thread? Or that time that I rallied against structured verse as old-fashioned, and that I felt expression should always take precedence over form?

I'm assuming the title refers to the initials of your father?

Hehe, that's what you're supposed to think, yes. But it actually stands for something else. If no one can guess, I'll tell you all a bit later.

Anyway, SG, I'm glad you enjoyed this. I will look into fixing up the last stanza - I'm not entirely happy with it anyway. Thanks!

wood:

Thanks for your detailed look at this, and your encouraging words. I admit, this being an older poem, I wasn't sure how well it would go over - so I'm quite pleased that (so far) people seem to like it. I will go over your suggestions and make adjustments as I see fit. Also, I'm glad the bits about the family dog and the boar made you laugh.

Firemajic:

Hehe, you're too kind, but thank you. And I understood exactly what you meant - I'm glad you saw it that way, because that's pretty much what I was going for. Needless to say, I had/have a pretty strained relationship with both parents, but I do love them. It helps to get this stuff out in poetic form, rather than letting it slip out during an argument or something....

Thanks for reading, everyone!