Thread: what do you see (language)

in torn sole shoes
made of soft leather,
too worn to offer protection?

in shit marked underwear,
running scared into
your razor blade arms?

in the bed we've left vacant,
sheets stained stiff
from the snot and tears?

in a heap of painted glass
from the broken apostles
of a church we forgot to attend?

in the homeless man
you stared at for five minutes
to see if he was breathing?

in the banker, the thief,
the hunter, the vegan,
the fireman, the arsonist?

what do you see,
that you won't see in me?

This is something. Goodness. I really love the structure of it, and your images are so powerful! The dirty side of life - the squalid nature of things (:

The ending is a very engaging question, and I think it wraps things up perfectly.

My one crit would be "razor blade arms". It sounds nice, but I'm not sure it makes much sense.

It's good to see you posting here again You pack a lot into this small package, SG summed it up perfectly, as your ending did. Razor blade arms didn't give me a problem, I liked the duality of meaning I saw in it.

The sun shone upon me this very dreary day for G has posted. Where the heck have you been? I've missed you and your brutal truths, young man. Love this, it's you at your best, and I see you've made line breaks your friends, lol. Echo Cin regarding the duality of "razor blade arms" and loved your imagery, S4 in particular, nice wallop there. True you and truly enjoyed, love. Now please tell me you're very well and will be gracing us with your presence more often.

Best,
Lisa

sg, thank you for your comment, you're right, razor blade arms is something I just think sounds good, but that doesn't mean it's devoid of meaning/sense. simply put, and really this could be a whole nother poem I used to be a cutter (still am just like a alcoholic is always an alcoholic) and i discovered that my relationships tend to be just like cutting... completely destructive. destructive to the point of completely disowning myself and my actions.
but despite my saying that, you're right, in the poem without the context, it makes no sense

thanks a bunch for your comment and I'm glad you liked it


gumby!! it's been too long. I'm glad you liked it... it's the first thing I've written in about a year... so it's really good to hear that I can still illicit a favorable response.
thanks for commenting

Lisa, goddamn ive missed you, so glad you liked it.
in regards to being on the forum more, I really hope to be... its been an awful year. i stopped writing, all my will to express anything or even simply give a damn about anything went away... but recently things are at least manageable and I'm feeling on the up. I hate that I gave this place up but I guess things will make sense one day. right now I feel very happy to have been able to have simply written anything and even more so happy that I sucked it up and came back here to see all my friends still around and okay with me.
anyway... ramble ramble this is about this poem I think...

so good to see you guys again and glad to hear that y'all still like what I write


thanks for reading