Thread: Broth of Discontent (Language)

All we find distasteful,
we toss into the soup,
allowing the pot to simmer
until the flame
is finally snuffed out.

Not by the burly gasman
wielding his trusty wrench
in one hand,
a disconnect order
in the other.
Oh heavens no!

With a creak of
bleached bone,
Death switches
off the burner.

Ladling noxious broth
into a fine china bowl,
he unceremoniously
seats you at the table
demanding
that you partake
of your recipe.

(countless cups of tears
seasoned with
dashes of disappointment,
heaping teaspoons of heartache,
sprinkles of loss
and all other things
unpalatable.)

You turn up your nose,
seal your lips
shaking your stubborn head,
but with a barely discernible
tongue, he admonishes

"If you refuse to eat,
you'll have no peace.
Are you fully prepared
for eternal torture?"

You weigh the options
and proceed,
choking down
the first spoon.
Gagging, with eyes
streaming disgust,
you finish the bowl.

Retching, yet relieved,
you thrust the empty
dish away.

With a sigh, Death imparts,
"Alas, your meal is not
complete, the entire pot is
yours to eat."

Food for thought -
confit for the wise -

wouldn't it be better
to eat a bit of shit every day,
than to simmer it for a lifetime?



I apologize for being so silent of late, but my daughter dislocated her knee again and since she's stuck here (and both the desktop and my laptop are still down) she's got dibs on the computer. Nothing worse than an immobile teenage girl, I'm frazzled to the point of insanity between being her legs and her demanding nature. I figured posting a piece might cheer me up. I'll be catching up as soon as possible. Appreciate your patience, guys.

Haha, what a nice stanza to end on. You just let it out there - you let it fly. That's an admirable quality in any endeavor of life - poetry especially.

I like the short lines in this one, and the rhythm feels solid all throughout. Very nice.

What a scene. I could see this one acted out. Excellent personification of death. And definitely, what you're saying is true. It's a taboo subject in many places I think. You really just put it out there, and your sharp wit is a delightful bonus. Thanks for the read.

May I suggest changing last line to: "than to let the soup simmer".

It's not as spelled out but makes perfect sense still, and you end the piece on a rhyme.

Lisa---I am sorry that I am on a diet....I would love to partake of this crappy dish served up like a gourmet treat...Your prowess as a poet is delectable to say the least ..But ...just in my humble opinion----you could do with out the 2nd stanza all together ..less, sometimes is more..This is a wonderfully twisted take on an old family recipe. love the reference to serving this in a china bowl---brilliant touch! Thanks. Peace...Jul
Maybe one of those special cupcakes you make--for desert ...

Like Jul, I loved the irony of the soup being served in a fine china bowl. What a wonderful truth you ended on, too. We all have that pot simmering, don't we?

Hi, Lisa. I really enjoyed this poem. As everyone has said before, your wit and poetic senses are incredibly strong. I admire you for that. This poem has so much truth to it. I really liked:

Ladling noxious broth
into a fine china bowl,
he unceremoniously
seats you at the table
demanding
that you partake
of your recipe.

Like everyone else, I just love the irony. And you've worded this brilliantly. The only thing that I would probably cut is this:

Are you fully prepared
for eternal torture?"

This is really already implied in context, so I'd cut it.

Nice job with this.

Bay

Just a few nits, if I may...

Originally Posted by Chester's Daughter

All we find distasteful,
we toss into the soup,
allowing the pot to simmer
until at last the flame
is finally snuffed out. I have a peculiar aversion to adverbs; not sure why. This nit is just personal preference, is what I'm saying; feel free to ignore.

Not by the burly gasman
wielding his trusty wrench
in one hand,
a disconnect order
in the other.
Oh heavens no! I'm still debating whether or not I agree with Jul that this stanza could go. It is a bit superfluous, but it's also kind of funny and playful. Not sure if it fits the tone - but I like it. Hrm.

With a creak of
bleached bone,
Death switches
off the burner.

Ladling noxious broth
into a fine china bowl,
he unceremoniously
seats you at the table
demanding
that you partake
of your recipe:

(countless cups of tears
seasoned with
dashes of disappointment,
heaping teaspoons of heartache,
sprinkles of loss
and all other things
unpalatable.) I see no reason to make this list parenthetical.

You turn up your nose,
seal your lips
shaking your stubborn head,
but with a barely discernible
tongue, he admonishes
"If you refuse to eat,
you'll have no peace."
Are you fully prepared
for eternal torture?"

You weigh the options
and proceed,
choking down
the first spoonful.
Gagging, with eyes
streaming disgust,
you finish the bowl.

Retching, yet relieved,
you thrust the empty
dish away.

With a sigh, Death imparts,
"Alas, your meal is not
complete, the entire pot is
yours to eat."

Food for thought -
confit for the wise -

wouldn't it be better
to eat a bit of shit every day,
than to simmer it for over a lifetime?

Heh, this was good fun. I like.

whether thru habit or recklesness, we are aften the masters of our own demise... too true. this is clever, lots of great descriptions, this was one of my favorites:

"With a creak of
bleached bone,
Death switches
off the burner."

i think the others did a good job with their critiques, i have no nits to add. enjoyed this very much.

You have me thinking of "Hell's Kitchen" in Chelsea! Never dared enter there! The metaphor is devlishly delightful. (Bad pun intended)

I like this because it has a nice caustic ring.

Oh heavens no!

As the others have said, this is a great juxtaposition!

Ladling noxious broth
into a fine china bowl

Should this be be "his" recipe?

he unceremoniously
seats you at the table
demanding
that you partake
of your recipe.

Ha! I think you've created your own maxim!

wouldn't it be better
to eat a bit of shit every day,
than to simmer it for a lifetime?


As always, I was glued. Laurie

I now have to add this to my list of favorites, Lisa. I can't think of anything you have written that I just didn't care for, so I always dive into to each of your new pieces expecting to enjoy myself. This piece, though, is one of the best I've read from you. The tone, image choices (I love the specificity of certain words to keep us locked into the image)... it's simply wonderful. The last line is brilliant, as others have said. You should submit this somewhere.

J

P.S. I apologize for being absent so much. Between my kids and trying to get a book out, I'm a man with little time on my hands. Hope your daughter recovers quickly so you can get out of nurse duty!