Thread: Icarus

Several phantom limbs;

the schizophrenic harvests

wax replacements.

The lunatic has sunshine on his mind
and ghosts urging him with whispers
to indulge whims not meant for mortals
that lack skewed vision and intent.

Sanity wanes without a trace.

There are places outside the cage,

unimaginable

but graspable

when the bars rattle

and confident thoughts

prattle,

praising hubris
in the struggle
to cut his anchor
from the rubble.

Icarus got high off his candlelight,
higher on the wax, highest as melodies
with featherweight melted across his back.

Icarus forgot the sun -

a schizophrenic cannot forget;

above disease and cluttered dreams

he sees a project in the prospect.

This is one intriguing piece of work, I must admit. I do not know what you're trying to point out here specifically, but the way you tackled the human mind and its frailties was spot-on. This made me ponder about humanity and our way of thinking. A catharsis, if you will. Thanks for that one.

Some thoughts:

the schizophrenic harvests
wax replacements.

This line got me into reading the whole thing with fervor. And though you may actually be referring to an actual man with the affliction, may I argue that we are schizophrenics in our own rights, anyway?

ghosts urging him with whispers
to indulge whims not meant for mortals
that lack skewed vision and intent.

The voices in our head, huh? And the way you pictured it here was greatly done, in my opinion.

An intriguing but thought-evoking piece. Brilliant as always.

I like this mix of the Icarus myth with what I took for mental disorders (clinically speaking). Who's the 'crazy' one? Icarus following his passions, even though it cost him death, or the father, tied up in worldly events, working for what he believed was right? Or are they both just as crazy? It's really a good question.

Schizophrenia is something I've been close to for many years now (a family member). I think your ending is really nice, both the enjambment, but more so the spin you put on defining the schizophrenic. It tells me, that it's only when we put our minds to a single belief, a conviction or otherwise a passion or a feeling, that we're not being suffering subjects of all the illusive perceptions the world bids us. So what I personally took from it, was to stick with our passions and feelings, rather than thinking them over too much. Even if it leads to hubris, it's that or crazy... or are both crazy? Hehe, that's for the reader to choose I'd say.

Only one nit; "rubble" seemed a little forced in my ears. I couldn't quite fit it's meaning in the context.

Nice read Edge, like a solid craft.

My view on this would be skewed toward an Icarian metaphor linked to artists and dreamers and am quite happy to enjoy the tonal temper of its lines and inter-relationships.

I don't really understand it. But the word choice is fabulous! Time to start using my dictionary (:

I actually disagree with Martin about the enjambment in the final stanza. The hanging "a" bothers me - I understand we get disruption to match the sentiment of the lines, but I think visually and rhythmically it is more distracting than stimulating.

Other than that, I really like your use of rhyme throughout. I also think the visual structure of the piece works well with the subject.

I'm curious - how did you get this piece to format as it did on the forums?!

^ Indents, sir, via the Source Mode (the first box with the two "A's" in the top of the editor menu. Then to double-indent, use code [indent="2"]. Oh, be sure to close tags on every line. You can also try "advanced editor" then try loading from a Word file, also available in the options selection.

And sorry, Edgewise, if I strayed off-topic a bit in your thread.

yes, superb stuff here.

i like the concrete line spacing, especially the way s3 drifts across the page. i do a lot of that myself. i have to agree with s.g. about those last two lines. this just a thought, but it might work better as one line, losing the last "forget":

Icarus forgot the sun a schizophrenic cannot.


might feel smoother that way. anyway, great poem, i enjoyed this very much.

wood

Originally Posted by Squalid Glass

I actually disagree with Martin about the enjambment in the final stanza. The hanging "a" bothers me - I understand we get disruption to match the sentiment of the lines, but I think visually and rhythmically it is more distracting than stimulating.

Other than that, I really like your use of rhyme throughout. I also think the visual structure of the piece works well with the subject.

I'm curious - how did you get this piece to format as it did on the forums?!

I'm with SQ on the first paragraph, perhaps some punctuation, say:

Icarus forgot the sun -
a schizophrenic cannot forget.

3rd Para - I think the answer is "With difficulty" - Alternatively, using indents in the "Advanced" window, though they operate in a curious way,

as they have

a redundant click

between movements

and sometimes add

a carriage return

which sometimes doubles

the line spacing but

disappears if you delete

back and return again.

So you need to experiment.

Excellent work, Edge! I'm not usually a fan of different formatting, but I think it works very well here and supports what you are saying so well. That hanging 'a' bothered me at first, which may well be the point of it's placement, so it worked.

Originally Posted by TheFuhrer02

This is one intriguing piece of work, I must admit. I do not know what you're trying to point out here specifically, but the way you tackled the human mind and its frailties was spot-on. This made me ponder about humanity and our way of thinking. A catharsis, if you will. Thanks for that one.

Some thoughts:



This line got me into reading the whole thing with fervor. And though you may actually be referring to an actual man with the affliction, may I argue that we are schizophrenics in our own rights, anyway?



The voices in our head, huh? And the way you pictured it here was greatly done, in my opinion.

An intriguing but thought-evoking piece. Brilliant as always.

You may , and I agree.

Originally Posted by Martin

I like this mix of the Icarus myth with what I took for mental disorders (clinically speaking). Who's the 'crazy' one? Icarus following his passions, even though it cost him death, or the father, tied up in worldly events, working for what he believed was right? Or are they both just as crazy? It's really a good question.

Schizophrenia is something I've been close to for many years now (a family member). I think your ending is really nice, both the enjambment, but more so the spin you put on defining the schizophrenic. It tells me, that it's only when we put our minds to a single belief, a conviction or otherwise a passion or a feeling, that we're not being suffering subjects of all the illusive perceptions the world bids us. So what I personally took from it, was to stick with our passions and feelings, rather than thinking them over too much. Even if it leads to hubris, it's that or crazy... or are both crazy? Hehe, that's for the reader to choose I'd say.

Only one nit; "rubble" seemed a little forced in my ears. I couldn't quite fit it's meaning in the context.

Nice read Edge, like a solid craft.

Your thoughts are always delicious to read, Martin. Schizophrenic's often feel inescapably trapped in the confines of their collapsing mind, becoming literally bound and, in a way (at least in my case), attached to the wreckage of themselves.

Originally Posted by arkayye

My view on this would be skewed toward an Icarian metaphor linked to artists and dreamers and am quite happy to enjoy the tonal temper of its lines and inter-relationships.

I am happy that you enjoyed the poem Arkayye.

Originally Posted by WordsOfLoveSong

I don't really understand it. But the word choice is fabulous! Time to start using my dictionary (:

Sometimes I don't understand it either. Appreciate the compliment Words.

Originally Posted by Squalid Glass

I actually disagree with Martin about the enjambment in the final stanza. The hanging "a" bothers me - I understand we get disruption to match the sentiment of the lines, but I think visually and rhythmically it is more distracting than stimulating.

Other than that, I really like your use of rhyme throughout. I also think the visual structure of the piece works well with the subject.

I'm curious - how did you get this piece to format as it did on the forums?!

Agreed. The hanging "a" feels like a splinter to me. I plan on taking up Bloggworth's suggestion to add a dash at the end of that line. What do you think?

The indents are a pain in the ass. You have to click Increase Indent multiple times, and sometimes it doesn't even work until you click on a different part of your post, and then click Indent again on the line where you actually want the indentation.

Originally Posted by TheFuhrer02

^ Indents, sir, via the Source Mode (the first box with the two "A's" in the top of the editor menu. Then to double-indent, use code[indent="2"]. Oh, be sure to close tags on every line. You can also try "advanced editor" then try loading from a Word file, also available in the options selection.

And sorry, Edgewise, if I strayed off-topic a bit in your thread.

NP.

Originally Posted by wood

yes, superb stuff here.

i like the concrete line spacing, especially the way s3 drifts across the page. i do a lot of that myself. i have to agree with s.g. about those last two lines. this just a thought, but it might work better as one line, losing the last "forget":

Icarus forgot the sun a schizophrenic cannot.


might feel smoother that way. anyway, great poem, i enjoyed this very much.

wood

Again, I feel Bloggsworth's suggestion removes the problem with that line. Thoughts?

Appreciate your comments.

Originally Posted by Bloggsworth

I'm with SQ on the first paragraph, perhaps some punctuation, say:

Icarus forgot the sun -
a schizophrenic cannot forget.

3rd Para - I think the answer is "With difficulty" - Alternatively, using indents in the "Advanced" window, though they operate in a curious way,

as they have

a redundant click

between movements

and sometimes add

a carriage return

which sometimes doubles

the line spacing but

disappears if you delete

back and return again.

So you need to experiment.

An excellent and elegant solution. Cheers.

Originally Posted by Gumby

Excellent work, Edge! I'm not usually a fan of different formatting, but I think it works very well here and supports what you are saying so well. That hanging 'a' bothered me at first, which may well be the point of it's placement, so it worked.

Not the point, although it was prickly.

This is the first poem I've ever done that employs that kind of formatting. I dig it, though, like you, not all the time. As always, glad it worked for you Gumby.

Really enjoyed this until the final couplet where the forgot/forget repetition seemed overdone. Perhaps one of those words could be excised with some careful jiggery-pokery? Apart from that, the piece was witty, and the format presented your words to best advantage.

Danke for the thoughts CLN. I like those two lines too much to remove (although I agree that they might be a bit dramatic) but I've added two more after them so that the entire weight of the poem doesn't fall on them alone.