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Last edited by Bloggsworth; 09-02-2011 at 09:19 PM.
The title seems pretentious compared with the text. I don't think your comment before the poem needs to be there. The text presented strong imagery. It kind of has a haiku sense to it.
Ah, a short poem full of the moment. You, sir, are a saint. I think I agree with jeff -- the title is a little high brow for the simplicity of the poem. Nevertheless, I loved it. The short poem is such a powerful way to convey simple feeling. Here are some thoughts, my friend:
Originally Posted by Bloggsworth
Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.
Check out my new blog, complete with new poetry! - http://www.writingforums.com/blogs/squalid-glass/
Ah, the title - I spent longer over that then the poem and realised that, having experienced evenings from the middle-east to Canada, what makes English evenings special is the quality of light of which I was acutely conscious, this is why the in England. The weather in England is so variable so quickly that you can be in a storm one minute and bathed in the most beautiful light the next. I was once playing cricket and one end of the pitch was bathed in sunlight, the other drenched with rain. - English light gave the world the paintings of Turner, need I say more. Après l'orage le silence.
I've removed two of the the's and added one before storm, and will think about them some more.
Last edited by Bloggsworth; 07-17-2011 at 11:59 AM.
"I just walked into the back garden and this hit me"
yeah, i know how that feels. i like this. it's hard to get much in the way of experience into such a small poem, i understand the challenge. the last line, "I know only in England " as simple as it is, really speaks of "home" to me, without knowing where home is... a result of the set up. very well said, i have no nits.
wood
I'm beginning to feel that poetry is compulsory in Colorado...
I think the word England may possibly suggest where home is!
Simple, short and sweet. Expressing so much in so few words, there's so much said in the unsaid. I love these 'capturing-the-moment' kind of poems related to nature. Nice work!
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen
"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke
I agree the last line really brings it home. It gives the other images a much deeper and personal feel. Even if not having experienced those English conditions, the reader will know something is there.
I think as it is now after your small fixes, it works very well. Just the punctuation at least needs to be consistent (you end it with a dot after England). I particularly think a semicolon after "rain" would work nicely. And then a comma after "storm". So it reads:
The clarity of evening
after rain;
the quiet of twilight
after the storm,
I know only in England.
Oh, and I'm not too fond of the title. I think actually it's one of those pieces that would work best without a title...
I think anybody who spends even a day here would know why!
Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.
Check out my new blog, complete with new poetry! - http://www.writingforums.com/blogs/squalid-glass/
No speed limits?
A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.
Heh - in a sense, I suppose.
Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.
Check out my new blog, complete with new poetry! - http://www.writingforums.com/blogs/squalid-glass/
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