Thread: Regret

(Note: I was under the impression that Dryads were the ancient greek statue ladies that served as pillars, holding up buildings. I'm still thinking of a different word for stanza 2)


I awoke today, tottering, dazed,
as if I had slept for years
it took some time to clear the haze
to set the path and mend my ways
till at last it was finally clear

Dryads, I dreamt, were watching me,
and their eyes begged for help
I was much stronger, my spirit more free
From the heavy load they carried
and still I found my way out

Why was I given such strong bones,
If I wasn't meant to stand tall?
How can we hear someone's groans
the grievous pain, the North-wind moans
and it doesn't affect us at all?

Believing them to be dryads was insupportable. You needed the handsome Greek architect, Cary Atid....

Unfortunately I cannot help with the Greek name you are looking for, but I will say this: The rhythm of your poem worked wonderfully. Your use of rhyming for the 1st, 3rd and 4th lines in each stanza was great and didn't sound forced at all. Good job.

Originally Posted by Jinxi

Unfortunately I cannot help with the Greek name you are looking for

I just gave it you - Caryatid...

Originally Posted by Bloggsworth

I just gave it you - Caryatid...

Oh dear. I do apologise. It has been one of those days. Thank you Bloggsworth

Originally Posted by Jinxi

Oh dear. I do apologise. It has been one of those days. Thank you Bloggsworth

Preparing for marriage has that effect - Congratulations! I tried to leave a message on your blog, but it won't let me. Say hello to Vereeniging if you pass, I was born there over 66 years ago, was removed when 9 months old.

Thank you That is strange, not sure why you wouldn't be allowed to. I will definitely send Vereeniging your regards

I awoke today, tottering, dazed,
as if I had slept for years
it took some time to clear the haze
to set the path and mend my ways
till at last it was finally clear "At last" and "finally" pretty much mean the same thing. Maybe try something like: "Till I saw that all was finally clear." Or whatever.

Dryads, I dreamt, were watching me,
and their eyes beggedwere begging for help Keep the tense consistent.
I was much stronger than they, my spirit more free
From the heavy load that they carried
and still I found my way out

Why was I given such strong powerful bones,
If I wasn't meant to stand tall?
How can we hear someone else's groans
the grievous pain, the North-wind's moans
and yet it doesn't affect us at all?

I liked this. Just needs a few tweaks so that it will read more smoothly, IMO.

Originally Posted by Bloggsworth

Believing them to be dryads was insupportable.

I see what you did there. And I lol'd.

Bachelorette's critique is strong. I suggest you follow it.

I thought you had a very solid rhythm throughout this piece, and though I at first thought the images too obscure and generalized, upon a second reading I think they are actally quite strong. The sentiment expressed in the poem comes through nicely.

Originally Posted by Ripka

Why was I given such strong bones,
If I wasn't meant to stand tall?
How can we hear someone's groans
the grievous pain, the North-wind moans
and it doesn't affect us at all?

Very pensive. Loved the last stanza. And yeah, Bachelorette has given some good suggestions, would improve the poem.

And since the poem follows a structured pattern with a rhyme-scheme, you could ask Lisa to move it to the Structured Verse section.

Yes. Hmm, the dryads were tree nymphs in G. mythology. Columns, or pillars, from trees most likely took on the characteristics of the divine spirit or corresponding spiritual entity. An intriguing poem.