Thread: "You must not forget..."

You must not forget
the space we made.
Together, or alone
we travel at a mysterious
pace.
Well beaten paths
of forgotten snows.
The white hare.
The sparrows trill.
Together we will sit.
Calmly Quietly Still.
Until we approach
the maze so filled.
With forgotten paths, by ways so still.
Wandering up and down,
until we reach our goal.
And rest, upon the new
fallen snow.

nov 2006

I do like this, Dr. E, but your punctuation needs some work. It is distracting as is. Also, any reason for the random capitalizations?

Aside, the rhythm is fluid and your rhymes do not disapoint.

Hi Jeffrey,

This poem struck me as quite Carroll-esque, and that's not only because of the mention of the 'white hare'. Did you have thoughts of Alice, wandering through these mysterious plains while writing? The almost broken rhyme - as Squalid said - is quite pleasing (though I did notice the repetition of 'still' in the rhyme).

I do wonder if some of the contradictions are deliberate, or whether I'm seeing something wrongly, but you comment on sitting 'quietly', and moments later 'you' are wandering. Though these kinds of sudden shifts are absolutely acceptable in the ambiguity of poetry, it seemed quite clumsy, and more like a mistake than a deliberate choice.

I hope my feedback has helped you.

You have very adroitly captured some very elegant images...But I don't understand the poem as a whole--My fault certainly as your talent is obvious...never the less--a delightful and intriguing read. looking forward to reading many more of your poems. Peace...Jul

SG, thnx for the read and review. I have made some rev. and hope it reads clearer.

Nick, thnx for the read and your review. Thank you for your interest.

Jul, thnx for the read and review. Thank you for the kind words.

regards

jeffrey

I like this I can certainly relate