Thread: Why Steinbeck Wept

Why Steinbeck Wept

Beyond the softly swaying trees,
The dancing white butterflies,
The terracotta roofed houses that punctuate the rich green rolling hills,
Boats carve great white scars across the Bay of Naples.
The sky is fat with thick grey clouds,
Which threaten to devour a distant monastery.
The cheerful chatter of birds dances around a composition of Satie.
In the distance the bell of an unknown church rings.

I know now why Steinbeck wept.

The title drew me in. I want to like this more, but the format seems very stolid, plodding almost, for the words. Perhaps if you played with the enjambment? Feel free to ignore, though, as I seldom know what I'm talking about!

I basically agree, it needs more punch, it is too explanatory. The church bell sails too close to cliché, I now know why is, of course, grammatically correct, but only lecturers actually talk like that! I am not too sure about the word composition, it sounds a bit technical, perhaps melody? May I tread on your poetic toes for a moment, you are of course free to ignore anything I say, I ignore myself quite often...


Beyond softly swaying trees,
dancing white butterflies mottle
the terracotta roofs of the houses punctuating
the rich green rolling hills. Boats carve
white scars across the Bay of Naples
beneath a threatening sky fat with clouds
seeking to devour a distant monastery. The chatter
of birds harmonise around a Satie composition.

Now I know why Steinbeck wept.

Cheers both. I'll take it on board. As may be obvious, I'm more used to writing prose than poetry, well, to be brutally honest, I haven't really written poetry since school (over a decade...)

Just to answer a couple of points, the churchbell was something that was very obvious (every hour, there was a chain of church bells). The word composition was used because I wanted it to be less... organic than the birdsong. I tend to feel awkward reading out loud, but I think, if I'm to try writing poetry it's something I need to do.

Thank you both again for taking your time to give me some food for thought. See you with the revised version in the not too distant future...

There are so many bells in poetry and literature over which you may trip, you have to be very wary of using the image.

The Curfew tolls the knell of parting day

Summoned by bells

Ask not for whom the bell tolls

Hmm, I think I have to respectfully disagree with Bloggsworth on this one. Honestly, I find your images powerful enough as is. I really love the picture you have created here.

"Boats carve great white scars across the Bay of Naples.
The sky is fat with thick grey clouds,
Which threaten to devour a distant monastery."

Three beautiful lines composed with excellent skill, I believe. You really put me there.

On "bells" - Eh. Cliche, maybe? I didn't think it too bad. I rather like the image and I think the sounds of distant church bells are such a necessary charictaristic of an old city at certain parts of the day. I say keep it.

One thought: "The cheerful chatter of birds dances" I'm thinking "dances" should be "dance" in this case. Chatter would be singular in this case, yes?

Originally Posted by Squalid Glass

One thought: "The cheerful chatter of birds dances" I'm thinking "dances" should be "dance" in this case. Chatter would be singular in this case, yes?

Thank you for your feedback. I spent an age thinking about that one... whether it's the birds that dictate whether it's dance or dances, or the chatter. I suppose I could put that subscription to the Chicago Manual of Style to use.

Haha, I had to think about it too. I think that "dance" modifies "chatter" here. Cheerful is the adjective for "chatter". "Of birds" would be a post modifier for "chatter". Therefore it is "dance" and not "dances". Yes? Maybe? Maybe not? Haha, I'm really not 100% sure at all.

If I ever find out with 100% certainty, you'll be the first to know...

I think you should drop the name. I don't get the idea behind Steinbeck, and I don't want to know. The poem works well, as it is. You can still have the penultimate line remain. Good job.

Thanks for taking time to read and comment.

Just in case anyone does want to know why there's the Steinbeck reference....

on the flight over, I was reading about literary figures who had been to the Amalfi coast. Steinbeck wept when he saw how beautiful it was.

Erm. Glass. Reconsider, please. Chatter is singular, therefore the verb has an s. He eats. Chatter dances.
Anyway, back on topic. I like the poem, especially because of the lack of enjambments. I like imagery that is very direct, precise, and meaningful, without fancy devices getting in the way. Good job.

Heh, you're right. How did I miss that? It still sounds odd though. Very awkward.