Thread: Masquerade

Disclaimer - This is not about any member on WF.com and I wouldn't write anything about any member on here. Criticism is wanted <3

Your masks are pretty, keep changing them for me,


'cause this party wont stop until you stop spinning,


Dizzy, Not realizing anything,


Blurred from the all hurt to even see the stained glass gleaming,


Plug your ears enough to ignore the singing,


Elegantly, Just pretend your senses don't pick up the ringing,


Screaming, At the reflection in the rippled water,


Beleiving, Your last chance drowned in that glass of "why bother",


Never crossed your mind of erasing the thoughts of,


Riding that marry go round escaping your problems,


But the ride stopped and now you don't know how to solve them,


You stand there all alone with your thoughts of being condemned,


You Fought em, Rebel against them for your independence,


You Caught em, In the act of destroying your benevolence,


Write them all down in a single little sentence,


Fight them off one by one with your pretty pennance,


Rememberence, Wear those tatoo's battered up and bruised,


Innocence, Write those proclaimed phrases, and beleive them too,


Make people feel how it's like to walk in your shoes,


You think what it would be like if only they knew.

This felt like a Rap "song" to me...lots of tension and nuances here. you have a wonderful hard hitting beat to this poem, I enjoyed reading this. thank you for posting. Peace--Jul

Ayso; I found this poem interesting. Once I was able to read it through several times. Some of the distractions I noticed where; triple spacing of lines, line lengths, lack of stanzas. I think the poem would benefit from breaking up some of the longer lines, arranging it into stanzas. This would also make better use of your rhyme scheme. Also if your going to include commas you should also have periods and such. Peace

regards

Thank you for the great criticism. And honestly, this was a bit out of my element. I'm trying to find a new style to play with just to see what I could do. Transitions to new Rhyming words, as you could probably see, started off with rhyming the last word as the first word. Then continuing with a new rhyming word near the end of the new sentence. It was new and VERY fun trying to fit that format, I don't know why I decided to write that way, but it gave me a rush / thrill. I'm going to initiate what you said though, right now I just started writing something I'm trying to experiment with a bit. Thank you everyone for the views, likes, and comments <3