Thread: Autumn

The name comes to me,
without a face,
to provide an introduction.

Left with an impression
relating to a season
of beauty and promise.

At the culmination,
of the cycle
of growth and abundance-

When the season is enabled,
life is observed
preparing for the shift-

Cloaking herself
in a tapestry
of colour and harmony.

This has a sort of hypnotizing rhythm to it, which is wonderful. The transition of sounds and rhymes from each stanza works strongly. However, I was left confused by the subject matter and lack of punctuation. I think some periods and such might help slow this down a little and provide some needed clarification.

Squalid Glass; Thnx for the read, and your interest. I have added some punctuation, and hopefully it will present a more readable, and clear message. I am beginning to see the light as regards punctuation. It's what the people want. Not only that, but it's what they deserve. Hope it makes the meaning clearer.

Regards

Haha, I am training to be an English teacher so I'm a stickler about that stuff. But ee cummings has many poems without punctuation, and they are wonderful. Many people here do the same. Punctuation is not necessary, but its omission should be for a purpose. Your edits - I think you overused the punctuation in this draft. Here is my edit. Take it as you will:

Originally Posted by jeffrey c mcmahan

The name comes to me
without a face
to provide an introduction.

Left with an impression It's hard to punctuate here because this is not really a complete sentence. It needs a subject.
relating to a season This line trips me up. It flows nicely but it's confusing. The name makes you think of a certain season?
of beauty and promise.

At the culmination
of the cycle -
of growth and abundance -

when the season is enabled,
life is observed
preparing for the shift;

cloaking herself
in a tapestry,
of colour and harmony. I love the British spelling of words, haha.

SG; I didn't think the commas added much to the poem either. They don't actually need to be there. I don't have any feeling for the hyphens or semi-colons options either. I'm a little confused when you say there isn't a subject in the second stanza though. In my mind "impression" is the subject, it was a verb while I was having it, but now, after the fact its a thing, something I had. So I guess "left" would be the verb of the "sentence", with the rest being a descriptive of the impression. As for the second line, stanza two, yes, the name, and word, "autumn" does relate to a season. For further discussion go here , only for the humourously inclined. I like the English spellings too, there just so Lovecraftian.

Let me try to explain a little better. Also, please note, grammar in poetry shouldn't be something that one gets hung up about, but when lack of punctuation or misused punctuation or bad grammar affects the poem, there needs to be some editing.

EDIT: Hmm, I didn't really pay much attention to the title. Haha. No wonder I was thrown off! I think the title does help with understanding, but proper punctuation and maybe a little more allusion to the season/name might help. Sorry for being so antsy in critiquing! haha

Originally Posted by jeffrey c mcmahan

The name comes to me,
without a face, "without a face" is a non restrictive modifier. It is a description of the subject (the name) that isn't necessary, therefore it is set off with a comma. If you removed this line, you would still have a complete sentence. So here, the comma makes sense and helps with the meaning of the stanza.
to provide an introduction.

Left with an impression,
relating to a season,
of beauty and promise. By subject I meant of the sentence. Who is left with an impression? As of now, this stanza needs no commas because this is not a compound sentence. Everything is dependent.

At the culmination,
of the cycle,
of growth and abundance. Again, everything in this stanza is dependent so no comma is needed.

When the season is enabled,
life is observed,
preparing for the shift. The first comma here is fine but the second is unnecessary. Think of it this way: the stanza could read, "life is observed/preparing for the shift when the season is enabled." Although that's kind of a dangling modifier, the syntax still kind of works, haha.

Cloaking herself,
in a tapestry,
of colour and harmony. Again, either this stanza is an incomplete sentence or it runs on from the previous. Right now, this one needs no commas.

SG; Ha ha, made me Google. So is enjambment used to cue the reader to hold that thought, because there's more to come? Perhaps using a hyphen or semi-colon. Would the 2nd stanza work better if I modified it to "Leaving me with the impression..." Your discussion has made it more clear to me, how commas should be used. I'm not big on the technical aspects of writing, I write what seems right to me. Often going with the intuitive expression, and letting the reader fend for themselves. I'm going to edit the poem shortly to reflect some of your suggestions. Thanks for your discussion.

regards