Thread: The Gulls Glide By

This came as a result of a cruse my wife and I took to Alaska. lt was one of the most moving things I have ever seen. This is my attempt to catch the moment.


The Gulls Glide By

The glacier moves and groans.
A crack, a second crack, a louder groan.
Then the ice begins to split and shatter.
Sound rushes down the valley.

The gulls glide by, turning, dipping, watching.

The icy groan becomes a roar
which shakes the valley. The sounds begins to echo.
A mountain of ice is moving now,
sliding down the face of its mother.

The gulls glide by, turning, dipping, watching

The roaring echoes batter at the ears
as ice and water meet and mate.
The sound is both liquid and rock,
roaring and echoing across the valley

The gulls glide by, turning, dipping, watching.

The water seems to rise, to kiss the glacier.
Sea and ship, both shaken by sounds
which fades as the ship begins to pitch and yaw.
Then quiet once again in all the world.

The gulls glide by, turning, dipping, watching.

2005 Rev. June 2011

I like this quite a bit Prof. You've taken something as ephemeral as a bird flying by and made it a constant, while turning the stretching life of a glacier into a rapidly changing existence. I would love to know if "mother" is the clue to the metaphor here. Seem so to me but I could be misinterpreting.

The only comment I have for improving this is inclusion of more alliteration or sensory images.

If I may, here is what I mean in the first stanza:

The glacier shifts and grinds out a growl
A crying crack, then a crackling cry, a deafening groan
The stony ice splits and shatters
Heavy sounds pouring down the valley

Overall, though, I loved it. I look forward to seeing more.

I really love your final stanza. Great word choice. The poem as a whole is strong. You paint a very clear picture and the repetition of the gulls draws focus and makes your intended exposure come through. Two things: some punctuation would help the images hold, I think. Also, look at your lines. The line diversity as I call it is lacking. Just about all of your lines start with "the" or "then." That makes for very repetitive sounds. I would consider enjambing lines or rewording.

Overall, very nice work.

great descriptions! and wow, what an event to witness, i can understand why you were so moved by it.

The gulls glide by, turning, dipping, watching. - the repetition of that line kind of had a negative effect on me. i'm not sure how to explain it. i had a dvd player that did the same thing, it would suddenly skip backwards a few frames while the sound kept playing forward. the motion of the poem moves forward, the event takes place, yet the gulls are some how stuck in a loop. i think that line is a great way to end the poem, it give us our witnesses, and it carries the event on into the future (which has a great feel by the way), but the repetition isn't working for me. hope this helps. i really enjoyed this little scene, great impact.

wood

Thanks to the three of you. This event took about ten second (except for the boat rocking. I don't want to draw it out. I repeat the Gull line because there were swarms of them and they paid no attention at all. After the sounds of the breaking came the sound of the gulls as they rushed to the still foaming water to eat the fish which were killed by the ice. (I left that out). Oh, and mother was intended to be a key word, along with "--meet and mate.

Originally Posted by Prof

Oh, and mother was intended to be a key word, along with "--meet and mate.

Thanks. That is what I was thinking.

Thanks so much for sharing this piece, Prof, I have always wanted to visit Alaska and I was able to live vicariously through your words. You painted your scene very well, indeed. I like the repetition, I think it works well, gulls are such tenacious creatures when it comes to food. My only nits were the caps every line and the use of groan in both L1 and L2 of S1, but being transported far overshadowed those little things. Again, thank you for sharing this, I envy you your memories.

Best,
Lisa

Thanks, l changed a couple things and added some commas and periods.