Thread: Pause in the moment

Pause in the moment.

I cannot move from this place.
A moment spent here.
A moment spent there.
It's always the same.
Every single day.

Once I had a river.
Onward it would flow.
Fluid. Never pausing.
And movement was not so slow.
Flowing, never ceasing.
A wrinkle in time, creasing.

Now I talk of time spent,
in a single place.
An eternity of moments,
stare me in the face.
I abhor the shape I'm in.
A pause in the moment.
From place to place.

Before time began.
A time before space.
And movement was still.
There were no rivers.
No point to point existence.
Pause in the moment.
And remember this place.
Flat as an iron. The plane. This space

Remember this well.
The point we are at.
Is a literal hell.
A point is just a reference.
Two form a line.
Give me three, a circle I will draw.
Four, we arrive in space.
With no motion we fall.
With five we pause in the moment.

Until we spend our time,
in a literal way,
we pause in the moment,
for too long, some say.
Moving from point to point,
careful to stay in the lines.
Never moving, never falling.
Until we pause, with no motion.

Finally arriving, never having left.
We circumscribe the arc.
Ending were we began.
The same point again.
Pause in the moment.
Then start out, another point to trace.
Always moving, from place to place.

Without movement, I fall.
For the river flows, not ceasing.
In empty space.
Without time, never creasing.
Movement defines time. And
time defines space.

What is the point, I look to,
and admire. It's a place.
Just a momentary quiver.
At the end of a chain.
To give me a hold.

dec '06 jcmc

I'm surprised this hasn't gotten any comments yet. I think it's the best piece you have posted. It has a very nice rhythmic quality and, I think, an interesting progression from where you begin to where you end.

That said, I think it is too long. It seems unnecessarily repetative in parts. I think you should go through it and cut it down some.

SG; Thnx for the read and review. I agree with your comment about the repetition, the use of the phrase "pause in the moment" appears quire often, for example. I had the idea let this poem was going to be long, and feature a multitude of stanzas. I decided that it would need some form of structure from the beginning. The structure I adopted for it is that; starting from the first stanza, of five lines, I added one line to each succeeding stanza, up to nine lines; then I subtracted one line from each stanza, back down to five. So, by nature, I did need to rack my brain for some fill dirt.

I think I'll wait to see if others will chime in with their thoughts. Although I think I have failed in my writers rite of passage here. Methinks I doth explain to much. I don't seem to garner much readership, much less inspiring people to leave comments. Ah well, so it goes. Thnx again for your review.

Regards

Keep your head up. You will receive more readership and guidance the more you provide the same for others. Helping others also improves your own craft.

Ah, thanks for the chin up SG. Thanks for the read.

regards