Thread: Trust

Death stands in the corner
holding a porcalin
bowl brimming with hyacinths
and rain water.


"Are you afraid
to put your trust
in me?"


Death moves from the corner
and sits on my chest
and kisses my breath
while bathing me with flowers.


"Are you afriad
to put your trust
in me?"

I think this poem is asking for another stanza!

Some misspellings, but otherwise, good job.

second draft

Death stands in the corner
holding a porcelain
bowl brimming with hyacinths
and rain water.

"Are you afraid
to put your trust
in me?"

Death moves from the corner,
sits on my chest,
kisses my breath,
and bathes me with flowers.

"Are you afraid
to put your trust
in me?"

Excellent! A lot better.

Awesome imagery in the second and fourth stanzas. I have to admit that the meaning of the poem is lost on me. I understand that death, personified, is telling you to trust it but you never explain WHY death needs to be trusted, or why you didn't trust it to begin with. The idea of death as something to be trusted or distrusted is elusive but interesting, because the inevitability of death is one of the very few things we believe we can know with certainty. I think that this poem is the perfect canvas on which to elaborate on this theme that you allude to. On the other hand, perhaps you intended to leave the reader perplexed, in which case the poem works, even if I personally find it slightly irritating.

Very much looking forward to your take on my take.