Thread: Friend in Specs

First, some background. My poem is a response to a poem written by Philip Larkin. Here’s Larkin’s poem:

Wild Oats
By Philip Larkin
About twenty years ago
Two girls came in where I worked—
A bosomy English rose
And her friend in specs I could talk to.
Faces in those days sparked
The whole shooting-match off, and I doubt
If ever one had like hers:
But it was the friend I took out,

And in seven years after that
Wrote over four hundred letters,
Gave a ten-guinea ring
I got back in the end, and met
At numerous cathedral cities
Unknown to the clergy. I believe
I met beautiful twice. She was trying
Both times (so I thought) not to laugh.

Parting, after about five
Rehearsals, was an agreement
That I was too selfish, withdrawn,
And easily bored to love.
Well, useful to get that learnt.
In my wallet are still two snaps
Of bosomy rose with fur gloves on.
Unlucky charms, perhaps.

What follows is a response, which, while significantly less expertly written than Larkin’s poem, describes what I thought the “friend in specs” might say about Larkin if she read his poem and knew it was about her (or rather, about her friend and his failure to get off with her):


Friend in Specs

You could talk to me, but that wasn’t enough.
I didn’t laugh at you, despite your stodgy,
fleshy face, dull as pudding, and those thick, black
specs of your own: but that wasn’t enough.
I am a woman, but with small, hard breasts: a mere
bean flower beside your ‘bosomy English rose,’
next to whom I am only the ‘friend in specs.’
And because of these things, I wasn’t enough.

You take great pride in your manly selfishness,
in your drive to whore yourself out on the altar
of feminine beauty. You carry two pics of the
English rose in your greasy black wallet, and
none of me, though I was yours, and though hers
is the flesh your meaty paws will never touch—
but since I am no rose, I was never enough.

Yet pause, and reflect. Were you enough for me?
Did I dream in desperation of your great whey-face?
Wouldn’t I rather have had a Grecian god?
Did I post pictures of Elvis and McCartney on my
teenage walls out of appreciation for their musical gifts?
It’s tragic, isn’t it, my doughy darling, that you
had to settle for less than perfection. I can relate.

___________________________________________


EDIT - fixed some weird formatting problems I didn't notice the first time...

well now, i really like this, tight and focused, metered i suspect (my rusty old meter scanner in still the garage under a large pile of broken garden tools) great reply! i haven't read much larkin, only what i find in anthologies. the format is well matched, the voice is different, but that's good, it should be different. and i think this can stand on it's own.

and because it can stand on it's own, i only have one crit. i think you could lose the quotes around ‘bosomy English rose' and ‘friend in specs.’. while it does create another quality both within and outside of the rhythm, i think flaging the reference overrides the image you create in this poem, which is brilliant in its own merit. that my feeling anyway.

very well done, i enjoyed this very much.

wood

Thanks for the reply, wood! You're right about the quotes; I should take them out. My biggest concern was that the poem wouldn't stand on its own divorced of its context, so I'm glad to hear you didn't think that was the case. But the quotes DO tie it too tightly Larkin's poem, and so they ought to go. Glad you enjoyed it, too.

I also think the quotes should go for the piece most certainly stands on its own and the quotes only serve to distract. What a fantastic reply, indeed. Wood is right regarding the format, nicely matched. Is it metered? I feel it's free verse as metered stuff usually goes da dum da dum. I love your lady's rapier tongue, bravo! Aside from the quotes, I have no nits, although I would have broke it differently, but enjambment is a personal preference and I tend to play it safe which isn't everyone's cup of tea. I enjoyed this, Bachelorette, so when will you be treating us to more? Foot tapping here...

Best,
Lisa

Hehe, thank you, CD. If it is metered, it was done unconsciously; I don't know enough about meter to employ it on purpose...

so when will you be treating us to more? Foot tapping here...

Heh, as soon as I have something worth posting, I promise.

In the meantime, you can check out my sig for some of my finished poetry if you like

Ah, an offer I can't refuse. Will do as soon as time permits, love. I've only got half a handle on meter, myself, it's a horror show to learn those rotten stresses. ugh. Perhaps I misunderstood Wood's comment, it wouldn't be the first time I misconstrued. I will check out your work as promised, but if you have completed pieces why not post them here? (only two per day per forum, sorry, the Mod stuff is ingrained, lol.) And please call me Lisa.

Hm. I guess I figured it wouldn't make sense to post them here since I consider them to be finished; I usually only post work in forums that I need help with. Plus, some writing forums look down on those who post merely to share and who aren't necessarily looking for crits.

Still, if you think it would be all right, I guess I could post them here, too... so I will. Thanks, Lisa~

We don't frown on members posting finished work here, sharing is good too.

On that note, I've posted work that I considered finished, only to have someone make a wonderful suggestion that improved the work. So you never know.