Thread: Masks

I will Dance-
to remember.
I will Dance-
to forget.

Beginning at the end-
to end at the beginning.

There was a time
that I knew you well
then we grew apart
and I began to forget
that which was true.

Alone and isolated
from the self
reaching out for a stable existence
I drew it on my face
and became human.

That was all long ago
a time before now
I began to forget
and to remember
a different lie

I will dance-
to Remember.
I will dance-
to Forget

nov 1997 jcmc

What an intriguing Poem--I don't know how I missed this,and I am truly sorry..Very clever of you to end the poem with the opening stanza.Then there is the 3rd stanza--brilliant! it evokes a very melancholy feeling of loss...Thank you so much for posting this amazing poem.---peace--Jul

Originally Posted by jeffrey c mcmahan

I will Dance-
to remember.
I will Dance-
to forget.

Er, sorry, but isn't that an Eagles song? Was that intentional?

Greetings;

Jul; thanks for the read and your kind words. From your remarks I see that I succeeded in conveying my feelings effectively.

Bachelorette; yes, I find, through a search that these words closely resemble the words from Hotel California. Is this intentional? No, I can't really say it is. It reflects an action of synchronism more then anything else. Even though I was familiar with the song when I wrote the poem. It (the poem) wasn't written to pay homage or, to form a allusion with the song. I am, and was a dancer, ie. I practiced dance as an art form. That is what spoke to me to provide the imagery of, "dancing to... " Good googling.

Jeffrey

"I drew it on my face
and became human."

i thought those were the best lines in this. there is a lot of explanation in this poem, not much in the way of scene, no elements of time or place or person. i understand these fellings, but don't know the context. poetry is the show me state, for any of this to be real you have to show me. i think you could expand these thought out into more concrete terms. take each line of this poem and ask it a few questions, like such:

There was a time (which time?)
that I knew you well (who is "you"?)
then we grew apart (how so?)
and I began to forget (forget what?)
that which was true. (again, what am i forgeting and what made it true?)

the answers can provide you will much more material to work with, details and identifiers will make a much stronger message, something your readers will "see" and understand the feeling better. i hope this helps you out

I drew it on my face
and became human.

Also my favorite line, this one jumped out at me.

Greetings;

Wood; Thank you for the read, review, and your input. I'm going to start by saying this is why I joined WF. I came to present my work and get feedback on how how it reads. With that said, I'm somewhat confused when you say; Poetry is the show me state. Is that to say that poetry should be as exoteric as possible? If so, making that general statement seems to place a severe limitation on possible expression. And, if it is true would make me think all our fancy words, and well turned phrases, are a waste of time. I may as well just write an essay if that's the case. This poem is admittedly esoteric. It leaves much for the reader to grasp, and I have no real impact in that. But if it has made you wonder, think, and question; I have accomplished something. In a fine painting, a piece of literature, and in other art forms; they all are, to some extent, always about the creator of the form. This poem is all about me, even when I use the word "you" it's more of a red herring then anything else. To put it in context, I would say let the poem is about the dichotomy between the "soul" the higher self, and the "mind". Which is an organ of perception, a storeroom of memories, and a vehicle of thought. I could wax theological and presume that my soul existed in a definite state before I was born, and then, what happened, I was born. I began to experience life primarily through my senses, and petty thoughts. Which, is the loss; and the resulting search for truth and definition. Once more thx for your interest and input.

Gumby; thx for the read, and your kind words.

hi jeffrey,

exoteric? no, that is the complete opposite of what i was trying to say. i thought this poem was a bit overly exoteric. i liked the poem, the wording and flow are good, it just felt a little skeletal to me, i thought a few more personal details could flesh it out more. not all questions need to be answered, i was merely suggesting a method to expand the palete of memory and thought, additional materials to work from, that sort of thing. i'm not a writing teacher, so perhaps i've overstepped my bounds. my bad, won't happen again.

wood

esoteric=hidden
exoteric=in plain, by the george, literal fashion

Thanks all

You seem to be a very blunt poet at, maybe even most, times. A beautifully crafted blunt poem.

Deyo;

Thanks for the read and comments. I accept blunt, I don't like to hide my perceptions and experiences behind flowery words that only allude to something obvious.

regards

jeffrey

I love the circular effect that this poem creates. Very straightforward very simple and very well done

pitchmid06;

Thank you for the read and kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

Regards

jeffrey