Thread: Car Troubles

Turn of key
educes
that dreaded grinding sound.
Starter's on strike again.
Right rear tire
resembles the plains
and the engine light
screams scarlet.

Stuck in my damned
sagging parking space,
immobile, yet again.

Another trip to the shop,
lights on the tow truck
flashing.
Quick call to my mechanic
(number one on speed dial)
to let him know
I'm on my way.

He stomps in,
his trusty toolbox
clad in fine imported leather
secure in a manicured hand.
His favored gauge
slung about his neck.

He trails his hand
across scarred upholstery
saying,
"I know a guy who'll fix this,
good as new,
and dirt cheap, too."

He clicks on his flashlight
peeks under the hood
scribbles away
and proclaims,
"You're leaking again,
all your fluids are low.
A quart of this and that
and you'll be good to go."

Shaking his head,
his face creased in a grimace,
he soberly remarks,
"It's such a shame
you can't junk this lemon."

I stare him down
with eyes of desert sand,
indignant fists pleading
for free rein
as a barrage of curses
clamor for release
from the prison of my mouth.

How dare he insult
my broken-down jalopy
fashioned of
flesh and blood.

It's all I've got.

Lisa--When I saw the title "Car Troubles" I did not know just what to expect--I knew it would be good and it is!The eighth stanza--poetry at it's absolute best.Loved this. I always look forward to reading your work and am always enthralled by your choice of subject matter---Peace Jul

I completely agree with the above, awesome piece - and fitting to, my car has been broke down for quite some time lol. vary good work as usual XD

This piece is not what it seems and is intentionally deceptive. The automotive references are actually an extended metaphor. I'm not ready to spill the beans yet, but the best clue as to what's really going on is in the final stanza. Happy hunting, guys, this one isn't easy.

Dear Jul, Mum's the word, love, I know I told you exactly what it is, but please don't say anything yet. Thank you so much for your kind words.


Dear Chief, Truth be told, this is an old piece that got swept away in the cleanse, but I'm very fond of it and wanted it back in my coffer. Last time around, most of the readers thought I was speaking about an actual car and only a few saw through my deliberate smokescreen. When I was writing it, I never realized it could be taken literally, it was a pleasant surprise to find out. I love when pieces turn out to be bogo, buy one get one free, lol. Not an actual car, love, as I said, the best clue is in the final stanza. I appreciate your kind words, also. This isn't an easy one to decipher, I'm curious to see if anyone figures it out, but eventually I'll 'fess up.

Thanks to you both for sharing your precious time with me.

All the best,
Lisa

I love the metaphor. The car being compared to a body (a person). I will give you a thorough review of it later, but I wanted to drop by and let you know that I liked it. Thanks for posting this again. So many great pieces got taken away in the cleanse, it seems. Hope all is okay with you.

When I read it I thought of a woman's body, after having children, changing shape etc.- in this man's eyes it's 'broken down'. Really interesting use of metaphor, and there could be so many meanings to it. Loved it

Lisa, I remember reading this way back when and it still grabs me. How could I forget? Such a brilliant metaphor. Firing up the old engine isn't as easy as it used to be. And aren't doctors sometimes fumbling mechanics? Finding that out more and more these days wink

The last line is such a powerful way to end. It, to me, came off as an almost sad plea of self convincing. I really liked it. Strong metaphor, cleverly done.

Lisa, great piece - I was relating to the auto references, then saw the flesh and blood at the end and got it - very effective, glad you waited until the end to reframe it all -
only "nit", as you say, is "trusty toolbox" - in the long chain of fresh and unique wordsmithing in this piece, this phrase seemed to stand out as, well, unfresh : ) but that stanza does paint a great picture of the gentleman, and I can see him very vividly through your words : )
---todd

Nice work, Lisa. Wonderful ending, had to read the poem again after that. Loved the metaphor.

It's all I've got.

True.

No chance of giving it away now. I enjoyed the metaphor greatly and love the way you extended it throughout, very skilfully done.

OOOH yeah---What Gumby said!!very skillfully done my Dear! Peace--Jul

I wasn't sure about this when I first read it, but it improves upon multiple readings. To me, it seems to be more about body image than anything else, maybe even someone who is anorexic or bulimic (thus the trip to the hospital). The speaker is trapped inside her (or his - but since you're female, I'm just going to go with "she") body that she hates and is starving herself to try and make it more acceptable, less of a "lemon." But, it's all she's got, so even in her self-loathing, she wants to defend her body; or maybe, defend her right to do what she wants with it (i.e., if she wants to starve herself to try and be thin, she ought to be allowed to do so, even though it's dangerous for her health). There also seems to be some sexual imagery in there as well, but maybe I've just got e.e. cummings' "she being brand new" on the brain, since it also compares a woman's body to a car.

Anyway, like I said, improves upon several readings. Thanks for sharing.

ah, this is nice. great images, great word play. i loved everything about it, except the last two lines. having the switch thrown at me at the last minute kind of ruined it for me, i liked the subject of the poem before it changed. made it's just me, i'm just burned out on extended metaphors. i guess. other then that, i thought this was great work.

wood

Forgive the font, I have no idea what's going on.

Again, I must indulge in brevity for the sake of getting current. I am so very pleased that so many of you figured it out. I have always considered my flesh to merely be a vehicle I use to get around in this plane of existence. My essence has nothing to do with my jalopy, this is just a temporary state of being. I know my choice of metaphor seems odd so I thought a bit of explanation was in order.

Dear Bay, Of course I knew the Mistress of Metaphor would catch on, lol. I'm glad you enjoyed, hon. As for the cleanse, seventy six pieces of mine got washed away, half of which I'm very happy are gone because they were complete crap, the other half, not so much.


Dear Nenada, I loved your interpretation, it gives the piece more worth in my eyes, and it fits. Actually, illness and surgeries are the culprits here, but when I think about it, having four kids took its toll, also, so you've given me more insight into myself. Thank you so much.


Dear Laurie, Thank you, love, I'm honored you remember this one. Doctors are incompetent fools who care more about their bank accounts than their patients. I abhor the lot of them. Believe or not, my jerk of a surgeon actually did tell me it was too bad I couldn't trade my body in. Just what I needed to hear, idiot. Sorry, rant over.


Dear SG, Very astute observation regarding the last line. I do my best to pretend I'm okay, but when I have inadequate medical professionals pointing out how screwed I really am, I become hard pressed to convince myself of my lies. The last line is really quite desperate and I'm elated you caught it.


Dear Todd, I'm happy waiting until the end paid off. You're right about trusty toolbox, and to be honest, I hadn't noticed until you brought it up. It will definitely need to be freshened up, lol, I've dug around in my mind, but nothing's clicked yet. Thanks for pointing it out, and for your kind words.


Dear Farah, I'm so happy you loved the metaphor and that the last line worked for you. See, I told you it would get easier.


Dear Cin, Skillfully done is music to my ear when it's uttered by your lips, you always carry your metaphors so beautifully. Thanks for keeping mum until the cat was out of the bag, love.


Dear Jul, Thanks for revisiting, hon, and for keeping mum, also.


Dear Bachelorette, Your interpretation is also an eye opener, and also very plausible. I figured "your fluids are low" set you in that direction, dehydration can definitely be attributed to eating disorders. So again, the piece gains worth in my eyes. I agree upon the initial read this piece is a bit humdrum, only with subsequent reads can the clues be fleshed out, but without the last stanza changing the entire thing, the reader wouldn't think there was anything worth looking for. Saving the truth until the end, unfortunately or fortunately, I can't decide which, lol, sends the reader back for multiple reads. I avoid sexual references like the plague and very rarely use them, I'm curious to know where they may lie if you have a sec. Again, appreciate your time and trouble, I am grateful you explore my pieces in such depth.


Dear Wood, I'm so sorry the twist ruined it for you, you're a car lover then, yes? I'm glad you still found merit in it despite the fact that I turned it upside down.


My sincere thanks to all for sharing your precious moments with me.

All the best,
Lisa